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A noun - Found in catholic boarding schools, Stumpfs tend to roam freely giving detentions for most often minor infractions. Distinct qualities of a Stumpf may include, but are not limited to: a large chest, overwhelming virginity, a snotty attitude, long pointless lectures, an obsession with the security of lockers, and an overall lack of humor.
A verb - (to stumpf)
Used to indicate when a person has seriously gotten their ass raped.
"Oh shit! Tuck in your shirt quick, I see a Stumpf!"
"I heard Billy got seven detentions for having his shirt untucked.Yeah man, he got stumpfed."
by r-e-d March 31, 2008
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Having a caveman-like appearance, such that his lack of intelligence and overall boneheadedness is blatently apparent at first glance. A bafoon.
Look at that guy with the really nice muscle car, why is he taking it apart and throwing the pieces all over his backyard? What a stumpf!
by muscles manischewitz March 28, 2009
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verb, used in progressive tense ("stumpfing").
To apply a pair of tighty-whiteys with profuse skid-marks to an individual's face, usually while they are sleeping or passed out due to intoxication.
That drunk guy on the couch fell victim to one awful stumpfing.
by Millionaire September 21, 2005
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latin word derieved from stump.

dumb ass lying sack of shit who likes to get it on with man whores.
she tends to carry around a big wang dang in her huge purse.
person 1:did you see stumpf yet?
person 2:no but i heard shes carrying around her wang dang again.
by vickkk November 05, 2008
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A half-wood. Not quite a hard-on, but not quite soft. A stumpf!
I had a boner for some Romanian girl Oana in college, but I found out she was a lesbian and I only ended up with a stumpf..
by ::analogue:: September 08, 2004
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Fat girl who calls other people fat, talks about all of her friends, and accuses random people of deleting her livejournals and hacking into her Hotmail accounts. She's also very annoying and loud, and like to say "Yo mama." She thinks she's cute, but she's really not.
Friend: I thought you liked cheese.
Stumpf: Yo mama like cheese!
Friend: Shut up Stumpf. No one likes you.
Stumpf: *Gigglegiggle* You're so funny, friend!
by Tyson April 24, 2005
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A poo made unnecessarily long or lengthy because of smart phone, tablet, laptop or other computer/technology use.
Man 1: "Damn man, he's been in there for half an hour!"
Man 2: "Yeah. He's in there with that iPad taking a stumpf."
by TheOneArmedMan September 26, 2013
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