Shaftspeare

The surname of a Renaissance English bisexual man with an especially massive, stiff, and pointy penis who left a trail of bleeding lovers of both sexes with torn orifices in his wake. He was responsible for many fatal hemorrhages but was never identified and brought to justice. He successfully obscured his identity by dressing like William Shakespeare and reciting sonnets. Preceding Jack the Ripper by several hundred years, he may have provided him with inspiration. Jack the Ripper is reputed to have said, "a rip of the neck out-bleeds a tear of the bum any day. Shaftspeare was a prick."

Shaftspeare fucked her in the ass, tearing her rectum and anus, as he asked, "Do you like the rhythm? It's iambic pentameter" Being a fan of Shakespeare, she whimpered, "yes, your metering is impeccably timed" as she grew pale and faint and bled out.

by Velvet Tongue January 15, 2026

Shakespeare

The guy that every English teacher wants to bang.

I really want to bang William Shakespeare.

by Thatcarguy313 March 23, 2016

Shakespeare Lines

Lines of cocaine. The act of creating lines of cocaine with a credit card. Shakespeare wrote long lines of poetry, One replicating those lines with cocaine. Line of any white drug. Lines of of the white girl.

The Weeknd was on them Shakespeare Lines.
Pass me that credit card, Im on them shakespeare lines.

by AWEIRDPYRMD July 29, 2012

Shakespeare

Renaissance playwright who has been ruined by English teachers and academics who insist on over-analyzing his plays and sonnets.

Shakespeare wrote Hamlet to be ENJOYED not ripped apart in Lit class until it has no more meaning.

by kate November 22, 2004

Shakespeare

A depressed little shit that wrote about death and fairies and kings. Te man was busted but 11/10 chance your teachers would pay mad money to suck his dick. Proved by science i don't make the rules.

Student:"hey can we study a book in actual fucking English not some Shakespeare?"
English teacher:"no, shut up and keep reading aloud"
Student:"lo, hence thou bequit'd'th'd's o'ous't'd comp'e's't to thoust most vile of thy piments.....

by A good friend you can trust. November 14, 2018

Shakespearean sex

Sex which is, "full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing."

I had Shakespearean sex last night. No, I don't plan to call her, either.

by Copernichris November 22, 2011

Shakespeare theater

To declare your unsubscription or unfollowing of an internet channel, brand or product in an overly dramatic fashion.

"Well it has been fun, but because you have deviated from your original content, I have decided enough is enough! Perhaps one day I will follow you again when your content meets my standards once more. Good day!"

"Magnificent Shakespeare theater. Bravo."

by gardens October 4, 2012