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scientology - 75 billion years ago, (3 times longer then the universe is belived to be by top scientists) in a federation of 11 galaxy's, warlord 'xenu' the dominant figure in the federation had a population crisis, so paraletic drugs were administored to trillions of the populus and then they were transported via dc-10 space planes, planes from the 50's and 60's, they were then dropped around the planet earths volcano's, and then atom bombs were fired inside them to instantly kill the trillions of 'thetans'. To stop the souls from escaping xenu had large force fields and ghost hovers to suck up the souls of the 'thetans' and placed them in 3-D viewing stations, basically 3-D cinema which showed 'xenu's' false gods, every other relgious belife and left them to wonder the planet eternally, but intellegent life formed and the thetans massed around the hosts and poisoned ther minds with relgion, and scientology claims to be the only way to remove this unhappyness through auditing sessions,and through a perminant subcription, and constatnt purchasing of over 3000 books on how to live in a scientological fashion. The creator as im sure you know was l.ron.hubbard, the most sly sex pest know to have exsisted, the law should forbid scientology to exsist due to it being utterly rediculous beyond belife and reason, its a money sapping con and will lead to disspear and brainwashing.
if your a follower of scientology please kill youself
by jon puzzle February 04, 2008
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Hoax religion founded by science fiction author and fucktard as a tax shelter, using material from his published works of science fiction as articles of faith. It is also known in its alternate spelling as "Sollontology", as coined by TV talk show genius Gorgeous George. Scientology is not to be confused with crap.

Adherents of Scientology are primarily Hollywood celebrities, lawyers, and women who want to penetrate Tom Cruise.

Scientology drama is all too common, and most of it is extremely amusing. For instance, to advance in the faith to OT level III to learn the tale of Xenu, the galactic tyrant who stacked hundreds of billions of his frozen citizens on planes that looked like DC8's with rocket engines, and hauled them over to Earth to be thrown into volcanoes for at least 100 years before blowing them up with hydrogen bombs and brainwashing them with a "three-D, super colossal motion picture" for 36 days.

The traumatised thetans subsequently clustered around human bodies, in effect acting as invisible spiritual parasites that can only be removed using advanced Scientology techniques. The cost of reaching OT III is only $360,000. Central to the belief is in alien past lives, such as being "decieved into a love affair with a robot decked out as a beautiful red-haired girl", being run over by a Martian bishop driving a steamroller, being transformed into an intergalactic walrus which perished after falling out of a flying saucer and being "a very happy being who strayed to the planet Nostra 23,064,000,000 years ago". All of this was on Wikipedia, so it is guaranteed the absolute truth.

If you are completely and fully suckered in, you can join an elite sector of Scientologists, the Sea Org, which stands for "Sea Organization". This arm of the "Church" was dreamed up by Hubbard in the mid-60's because he was a) really drunk/doped out of his mind most of the time, and b) because he felt butthurt by the real U.S. Navy, who refused to give him ill-gotten glory and fame, so he made a toy navy of some real piece of shit ships. If you're a good enough and devout enough Scientologist, when you join the Sea Org, you must sign a contract that binds you to the Scientology religion, the Sea Org and L. Ron Hubbard for a billion years, pledging to "come back" in all your reincarnations to serve him for that time. In exchange you get some really nifty things... You get about $16 a week in pay, your personal I.D. taken from you and locked away so you can't jump ship, you get to do demeaning and degrading physical labour and give the Church tacit permission to put you in the "RPF" (Rehabilitation Project Force) which is a punishment gulag that will make you beg, whine and plead like a little bitch for that degrading regular labour back. You may even find yourself locked in a ship's chain locker if at sea, or in the basement of the Ft. Harrison Hotel with all that healthy asbestos. The RPF makes Gitmo Bay look like Club Med. In an interesting side note, while the crew of the Sea Org were sweating and toiling at sea on the Apollo, Hubbard's Sea Org flagship, Hubbard himself surrounded himself with nubile, blonde 13 year old girls in hot pants and halter tops that he dubbed the "Commodore's Messenger Organization" or "CMO". He did this because running Scientology is serious fucking business. Sadly for him, he was also impotent.

Most agree that it is batshit insane, and Battlefield Earth was as good a movie as getting jackhammered in the urethra for 3 hours. Scientology is, however, a very important part of society; it is one of the main sources in the Western world for the lulz.

If you believe in an Alien god you are most likely believe in Scientology
by Your ugly May 06, 2007
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A "religion" founded by science fiction writer L. Ron Hubard. The central beliefs are that an alien named Xenu trapped alien souls in people, or on earth, or something like that. No one is really sure, but it's almost unanimously accepted as a science fiction money making scam because to actually find out what it's about, you have to pay a boatload of cash.

The best explanation of Scientology can be found in the season 9 South Park episode, "Traped in the Closet", where Stan is thought to be the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubard and Tom Cruise wont come out of the closet.
Anyone who believes Scientology is on something strong, lives in California, or both.
by Em K. 23 January 31, 2011
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A cult that thinks it is a religion that is pretty much a scam. There is no word that can discribe it at all. It has no evidence backing it up unlike most of the other religions in the US.
You broke my BS meter when you tried to convert me to scientology.

Scientology is based off a book and movie. With no history backing it up.
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Some bullshit called Dianetics cooked up by a wannabe dr. phil with some aliens and space shuttle shit all thrown in for laughs and faggotry. Has literally raised enough money to buy themselves their own personal cruise ship where tom cruse can recite psuedo-scientific, mel-gibson praising rhetoric.
"I think I'm gonna conver to Scientology."

"Yeah, I don't give two shits, sorry."
by Engeljagter May 02, 2010
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Scientology is a cult of assholes that constantly advertise on urban dictionary to try to recruit new victims.
loser 1: Did you see all the Scientology shit on U.D.?
loser 2: Yeah, the ads are fucking annoying.
by purplekilt May 07, 2008
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