THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE: Xenu (sometimes Xemu) is introduced as an alien ruler of the "Galactic Confederacy" who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of people to Earth in DC-8-like spacecraft, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living, and they continue to do this today, wreaking havoc in the process. Hubbard called these clustered spirits "Body Thetans," and the advanced levels place considerable emphasis on isolating them and neutralizing their ill effects. I must tell you the founder of this so-called "religion" was L.Ron Hubbard a SCIENCE-FICTION writer. Hubbard's 1958 book Have You Lived Before This Life documents past lives described by individual Scientologists during auditing sessions. These included memories of being "deceived into a love affair with a robot decked out as a beautiful red-haired girl", "being run over by a Martian bishop driving a steamroller", "being transformed into an intergalactic walrus that perished after falling out of a flying saucer", and (my personal favorite) being "a very happy being who strayed to the planet Nostra 23,064,000,000 years ago". In comparison, modern astrophysical observations have established the age of the universe at 13.7 billion (13,700,000,000) years, to within about 1% confidence. Scientology, their beliefs, and followers in a nutshell...
Scientology...well what the fuck can you say about it, its a ton of bullshit.
by el reye August 28, 2006
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A dangerous & manipulative pseudo-religious cult that promotes a fake religion through Hollywood (suitably called Hollyweird) connection by claiming to help eliminate unhappy memories & negative emotions from human consciousness to achieve the "Clear" status in order to attain superhuman powers like possessing the healing power of Jesus Christ, flying like Superman & fulfilling the fantasy of a mediocre Chevy Chase movie "Memoirs of an Invisible Man".

The Church of Scientology was invented by L. Ron Hubbard who stated "the way to make a million dollars is to start a religion" in response to the run-away best-selling success of his self-help book "Dianetics" in the 50's to the stunned amazement of his fellow accomplished science fiction writers. Worse than Dominionism & Mormon Church in their strong-arming tactics reminiscent of severe threat of ostracization & bodily harm, torture & re-education in totalitarian regimes. Three things Scientology runners & its devout fucked in the head members hate the most: psychiatry, IRS and anti-Scientology bashers on the Internet.

It's no wonder European countries, Germany in particular, vigorously prosecute Scientology for its shady money-making scheme conspiring to brainwash & dupe people into donating huge portion of their hard-earned incomes through selling houses, cars, properties, et cetera (in cases of rich Hollywood actors & established musicians, advancing through the courses would be easier by immediately paying hundreds of thousands out of pocket)

Google to read the unbelievably insane June 1983 Penthouse interview with L. Ron Hubbard Junior (the founder's own son who was born severely premature because of a botched abortion by his daddy) who called the pseudo-religion Scientology "and other cults one-dimensional, and we live in a three-dimensional world. Cults are as dangerous as drugs. They commit the highest crime: the rape of the soul."

Scientology is a reprehensibly sick & monstrously evil cult & must be wiped off the face of the Earth. It hates humankind by taking the advantage of uninformed people to exploit for greed & destroy lives by blackmail & violence if they try to bolt for the exit. Yet it continues to enjoy the freedom of religion guaranteed under the First Amendment, just like Mormon church founder Joseph Smith Junior took advantage of the Constitution to start a horseshit religion to mind fuck & control believers & converts in the quest for the Almighty Dollar.
Katie Holmes is a smart, spirited & marginally talented Catholic woman who became yet another two-bit brainwashed celebrity victim because her flamer love Tom Cruise (who uses her as his beard) insist that she try being audited by Scientologist counselors...good grief Nicole Kidman called bullshit & got dumped by him.
by Sieg Heil Neocon June 14, 2005
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A cryptic and laughable sect, dressed as a religion (for tax purpose) that now advertise on Urban Dictionary (shame on you).
Dude A : Man, did you see those Scientology banners on UD?
Dude B : Yep ! BustedTees may have some lame t-shirts, but at least, the chicks are hot...
by EvilNoodle May 14, 2008
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a highly contagious disease sexually transmitted by tom cruise
nicole kidman was once at risk of catching scientology
by novelty_cheque November 10, 2009
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A strange, pseudo-science cult founded by science fiction author, L Ron Hubbard in 1952. Scientology claims to be able to cure any type of disease such as diabeetus aids or even "cure" homosexuality. Apparantly, that appealed to many famous actors like Tom Cruise and John Travolta, because they seemed to flock towards the strange cult. The "CHURCHES" main practice is Dianetics, a half assed pile of crap which was advertised as a "self help" treatment, even though it just advertises the shitty cult it was spawned from.

Scientology is subject to many lulz from message boards, encyclopedia dramaitica, and many other peoples on the internet. Scientology is surrounded in controversy since its founding, and the creator of this monstrocity of a religion's moralities were questioned after being discharged from the navy, and being permanantly banished from England.
scientology is scary :O
by Jeremy Orkin June 19, 2010
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"Hey, I hear that scientology is bat-shit crazy" says John
Eric retorts "You know, you're right!"
by TheConquerer February 8, 2008
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A giant sucking maw designed to trap the gullible and remove them from their money, dignity, and ability to discriminate between reason and complete bullshit.

Scientology was invented by L. Ron Hubbard, one of the most notorious charlatans, fantasists, and liars every to waddle around like a big fat douche bag.
Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard says that we are all possessed by the souls of aliens murdered by Xenu, so clearly he's full of shit. I, however, am a christian and I believe that God made the world in seven days and that Mary really was a virgin when she pushed out the Jebus. So I'm a fuckin' genius, then.
by Big Gwinnie March 25, 2010
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