Rules of music theory

1) First rules of // you do not talk about //.
2) When in doubt, it's minor.
2.5) Minors do not exist (refer to rule 3)
3) When you think it's minor, it's major
4) When it's diminished, you know that world is over.
5) Do NOT socialize with the principal during // mod
5.1) The principal does not exist
5.2) // mod does not exist
5.3) The limit does not exist
6) No mean girls references allowed in //
7) When it beeps you always haul it back
8) Everything is written in code
8.1) Figured bass symbols
9) You do not speak of those who do not exist
9.1) The adorable // player behind us does not exist
9.2) You do not talk near/about/to the non-existent.
10) I just had sex with the Jonas Brothers on Friday Friday Friday.
11) Always go for the younger one.
11.1) Usually the infant is best
11.12) In the nonexistent // world, sex with infants is practical and acceptable.
12) Coffee from the teacher's lounge (which does not exist) is better black.
12.1) Once you're black you can't go back.
13) //, which we do not speak of, is best taught by the black.
13.1) No racial.
13.2) Fiery black men apparently like to watch a lot of porn.
13.21) Never pick up a black man's sweatshirt.
13.211)or look on his computer
13.2111) ever.
13.3) Theory does not exist
13.31) Second rule of theory, Always talk about theory.

My car just broke down, and I was going to use the power of music to fix it. One problem, do I use minor or major? I don't understand the Rules of music theory!!

Rules of music theory by The nonexistent BS May 17, 2011