Resident Whale
Extremely obese person that happens to be in a position of slight authority and is generally irritating as shit because they feel the need to constantly remind you of their miniscule amount of power. The Resident Whale usually wears loose, unflattering clothing paired with black Velcro sneakers and has made zero attempt to be stylish in any way. May smell. Always has snacks on hand. Derives pleasure from wasting other people's time.
Bert: Hey what took you so long to get groceries?
Earl: The Resident Whale at the store stopped me as I was leaving. Told me she was "loss prevention". She went down my entire receipt taking out every item I had in my cart to make sure I wasn't stealing anything. That was an hour of my life I'll never get back from that whale.
Bert: What about my oreos?
Earl: She needed a snack while she was fucking me over.
Bert: I'll get the harpoons.
Earl: The Resident Whale at the store stopped me as I was leaving. Told me she was "loss prevention". She went down my entire receipt taking out every item I had in my cart to make sure I wasn't stealing anything. That was an hour of my life I'll never get back from that whale.
Bert: What about my oreos?
Earl: She needed a snack while she was fucking me over.
Bert: I'll get the harpoons.
Resident Whale by Tyeet Mcskeet November 27, 2016
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