Pinch the loaf 

One who is in a hurry to take shit, so they are forced to pinch it off, before they are finished. It usually leads to an uncomfortable feeling in someone's ass.

Man, my ass is killing me because I had to pinch the loaf while at that party.

Pinch the loaf by Ultimate Brad November 17, 2009

Pinch the loaf and wipe the counter! 

A phrase commonly screamed at people who are taking way too much time shitting.
"Pinch the loaf" - is where you pinch your turd off in mid-poop, to hurry.
"wipe the counter" - is where you wipe your ass with haste.

Person 1 has been sitting in the bathroom shitting for an hour.
Person 2: "Pinch the loaf and wipe the counter! We have got to get to the meeting!"
Person 1: "ALRIGHT GOD DAMNIT!"

Pinch the loaf and wipe the counter! by Mrs. Hankey June 5, 2010