Actually paying attention:
You: I just found out I have herpes...
Me: Holy crap man, I'm so sorry. Are you sure it's not an ingrown hair? Maybe
frostbite...Have you been sticking your dick in snow lately?
You: LLTM, Dane Cook is fucking kickass.
Not paying attention:
You: My wife died today, Tim. I'm contemplating suicide.
Me: LOL
You: I'm serious here, Tim, I thought you would be more understanding.
Me: lol ok
Cigarette: Northern slang for a cigarette, used oft by mashed up mancunian ravers becasue of the resemblance of a hot(electric)stove to the end of a lit cigarette. Originated circa 1991 in the early halcyon days of the rave culture; we speculate during a drug fuelled hallucination by said manc.
'fuck me noel, i am bolloxed, is that a ciggy in your mouth, or the stove from me 'nans kitchen'/
General use: 'Give us a stove you cunt'