Hartaconda 

The Hartaconda is a non venomous extremely large snake. It is generally found in rural areas and starts its hunting in the early morning hours when it is hungriest. Although resilient in its stalking of prey, a few "Fuck You's", or "Go fuck yourselves" seem to be it's only Kryptonite. You can identify if you are being Hartaconda'd with a few easy warning signs. 1) You have considered cutting off your ears or possibly paying someone to fire off large caliber weapons close to your face to stop the ability to hear ridiculous rants about unsolvable or most likely fake problems. 2)You find yourself doing NOTHING all day and you are accompanied with someone talking about how you two are the only ones who did anything all day.
3) You are asked if you want to go fishing some time, only to have so called heterosexual, happily married friend stuff his penis in your face for a week straight.

Hey man, I've got a lot of problems at work going on, can you give me a hand?

Sorry bro, I got Hartaconda'd at 6:30, I guess I'm not doing shit today....... it sucks.....

Hartaconda by The Answer 503 December 3, 2018

Hammaconda Effect 

When a male's junk is highlighted by his pants, either purposely or without intention. It often happens when a dude is particularly well endowed and/or is wearing a slimmer cut pant that accentuates the crotchal region. Similar to a pants tent but not an illusion and not necessarily indicative of excitement.

Lance was an average dude but his new jeans had a Hammaconda Effect, making him look particularly well endowed.

Hammaconda Effect by Zstreich April 3, 2013