Cranking Units
What began as Edmonton-speak for ‘drinking beers’, has evolved into an entire culture.
Anything can be a unit, and usually it’s crankable, sometimes the unit even cranks itself and you need to crank it before it cranks you. Sometimes you crank the units and later on the units crank back (ie a hangover).
Unit Classification System - Crankology. 101
Type 1 Units
- Instant gratification units. Require little effort to crank, with high pleasure payoff.
- Ex: cocaine, liquor.
Type 2 Units
- Units that require some effort to crank, with potentially great rewards.
- Ex: mushrooms, ayahuasca, changa.
Type 3 Units
- Units that crank you, but in the long run allow you to crank even more units.
- Ex: psychedelic ego death, vaccines, getting lost in the forest and discovering your spirit animal after days of dehydration and delirium.
Type 4 Units
- Food units. Calories are eventually required for even the most veteran of greeblers.
- Ex: Rave pizza.
Type 5 Units
- Units that need to leave the body. Bodily function units.
- Ex: crank a piss, bro!
Type 6 Units
- Mystery Units. Units found, effects unknown until cranked.
Ex: powdery substance snorted off greebly shag rug.
Type 7 Units
- Adrenaline units. Units that activate internal adrenaline system for sake of excitement and cheap thrills!
Ex: fire spinning, sky diving, BDSM kinks.
Type 8 Units
Sexual pleasure units.
Ex: cranking your nut butter all over your babe (with consent).
Anything can be a unit, and usually it’s crankable, sometimes the unit even cranks itself and you need to crank it before it cranks you. Sometimes you crank the units and later on the units crank back (ie a hangover).
Unit Classification System - Crankology. 101
Type 1 Units
- Instant gratification units. Require little effort to crank, with high pleasure payoff.
- Ex: cocaine, liquor.
Type 2 Units
- Units that require some effort to crank, with potentially great rewards.
- Ex: mushrooms, ayahuasca, changa.
Type 3 Units
- Units that crank you, but in the long run allow you to crank even more units.
- Ex: psychedelic ego death, vaccines, getting lost in the forest and discovering your spirit animal after days of dehydration and delirium.
Type 4 Units
- Food units. Calories are eventually required for even the most veteran of greeblers.
- Ex: Rave pizza.
Type 5 Units
- Units that need to leave the body. Bodily function units.
- Ex: crank a piss, bro!
Type 6 Units
- Mystery Units. Units found, effects unknown until cranked.
Ex: powdery substance snorted off greebly shag rug.
Type 7 Units
- Adrenaline units. Units that activate internal adrenaline system for sake of excitement and cheap thrills!
Ex: fire spinning, sky diving, BDSM kinks.
Type 8 Units
Sexual pleasure units.
Ex: cranking your nut butter all over your babe (with consent).
*Looks at empty beer box* “bro did we crank all those unes?”
“I went to help my friend build a fence but then we just started cranking units instead”
“When I birthed my child I was in labour for 12 hours”
“Damn, that’s cranking a unit for sure”
“Love une/ love yoon”
“Don’t forget to use your manners, say please and crank une”
“What is life, but a unit cranked?”
“I went to help my friend build a fence but then we just started cranking units instead”
“When I birthed my child I was in labour for 12 hours”
“Damn, that’s cranking a unit for sure”
“Love une/ love yoon”
“Don’t forget to use your manners, say please and crank une”
“What is life, but a unit cranked?”
Cranking Units by anonymous November 18, 2021
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