Christmas Derangement Syndrome 

Christmas Derangement Syndrome describes a fanatical and borderline psychotic obsession with all things "Christmas," specifically the American style celebration which centers around mindless consumerism and the glorification of kitsch. This celebration has little to do with the birth of one Jesus of Nazareth, the prominent figure in Judeo-Christianity.

Symptoms of CDS are as follows

1) wanting or actively binge watching cheesy hallmark channel christmas movies all year long
2) wanting or actively listening to cheesy christmas music all year long
3) decorating the exterior of one's dwelling in christmas lights and displays as soon as they appear on store shelves, which typically in August or September
4) being absolutely delighted when retail stores start putting out christmas displays in August
5) frequenting the all-year christmas decoration stores, or discussing wanting to go
6) keeping a "holiday tree" up all year long as thinly veiled excuse to keep their abode christmasy
7) refusing to acknowledge that the fall/autumn and winter seasons exist, it's "christmas season"
8) frequently announces how many days, weeks, months, sleeps, or Fridays it is until christmas, even if it's December 26th
9) stocking up on a year's supply of their favorite christmas fragrances at Bath & Body Works so they can use them all year long
10) firmly believes "the war on christmas" is real

There is no known treatment for Christmas Derangement Syndrome at this point in time.

Person 1: OMG I CAN'T WAIT FOR CHRISTMAS!!! I'M GONNA START DECORATING RIGHT NOW!!!
Person 2: it is July and it is 100 degrees outside, you don't need to decorate for christmas, you have Christmas Derangement Syndrome, and you need help.

Christmas Derangement Syndrome by ProteasNG November 29, 2024

white conservative christian derangement syndrome

Though the ultimate causes of WCCDS are unknown, it is believed to result from situations where an individual’s beliefs about the way the world is and ought to be differ significantly from available evidence about the way the world actually is. It is frequently accompanied by inexplicable feelings of persecution and a pronounced tendency toward tribalism. WCCDS is named for its prevalence among conservative members of the majority White-Christian demographic in the United States.

Symptoms of White Conservative Christian Derangement Syndrome include mistrust of foreigners and people of different ethnic backgrounds; mistrust of the United Nations; fourth grade understanding of both world and United State history; little or no understanding of science, yet stubborn need to form opinions about it; inconsistent attitudes concerning the policies of liberal and conservative politicians (e.g. may favor a policy under conservative leadership, yet reject similar policy initiatives under liberal leadership); belief that the Bible is literally true and accurate, and therefore supersedes other types of information; belief that Ayn Rand's science fiction books are serious academic treatments of sociological and economic problems.

"What's the diagnosis Doc?"

"Well, you report feelings of persecution which you link to a 'socialist dictator president'. Is that correct?"

"Yes."

"You believe companies attempting to appeal to broader consumer demographics by saying 'Happy Holidays' rather than 'Merry Christmas' constitutes an attack on your religious values and liberties?"

"Yessir!"

"The idea of marriage equality represents - in your words - an 'assault on traditional marriage and the constitution'?"

"That's right."

"You believe in a 'politically motivated scientific establishment', that anthropogenic climate change and Darwinian evolution are hoaxes, and that your religious beliefs about the way the world was created should be taught in public science classrooms?"

"Absolutely."

Doctor removes glasses, looks gravely at patient. "I fear you have contracted White Conservative Christian Derangement Syndrome. At this point, we simply do not have a cure."

Patient breaks into sloppy, stuttered sobbing. "What can I do Doc?"

"At this point, the best I can do is recommend you refrain from watching Fox News, listening to conservative talk radio, and visiting websites like Drudge and WND. Perhaps try visiting your local library, checking out books on science and history. All we can do after that is wait and hope."

white conservative christian derangement syndrome by Burton Wilhelm McCloud April 23, 2014