Calvin’s Law

A standing workplace rule that states: Upon completion of your third bowel movement on the same work day, you are immediately excused from work for the remainder of the day. You clearly have larger problems than work to deal with. Go home, get your shit handled and return to work in the morning.

Named after the creator of the law, Calvin Johnson.

"That's my third shit today! Calvin’s Law is now in effect. I'll see you guys in the morning... I'm going home."

Calvin’s Law by TinMonkey August 5, 2014

Calvin’s Law

Coined by League of Legends streamer Elite500 (Calvin), it states

> Giving a bad player kills will not make him better.

That is, the better player will win in all likelihood, regardless of leads gained early game. One should take comfort in his skill above his opponent rather than frustration with circumstances caused by jungler dynamics or other arbitraries, fundamentally out of his control.

Calvin’s Law is ultimately a generalization of common economic knowledge, that lump-sum cash transfers are typically the least effective type of aid which can be given (most notably, the cash transfer programs undertaken by numerous US NGOs in developing areas of Africa). Research by the Overseas Development Institute finds that the risk of corruption, lack of longer-term investment opportunities, and lack of infrastructure and training often render lump-sum cash transfers as the worst alternative among such options as direct training/building/humanitarian aid or regular smaller cash transfers.

Put another way, Calvin’s Law is commentary on the increasingly nepotic and privileged social dynamics of modern society, and a statement of hope despite such conditions. That, regardless of one’s birth and upbringing, as long as one possesses the skill necessary, deserved success will come, in due time.

This isn’t a death, it’s my Calvin’s Law angle!

Calvin’s Law by Gilgameshx0 February 21, 2023

Calvin's Hair

A phenomenon that occurs under Calvin's hat. Its existence is unknown and is rumoured to quite literally be nothing.

What's under Calvin's hat?
Calvin's Hair.

Calvin's Hair by funnynumber6969696969 May 3, 2023

Calvin's mom 

1. A fat bitch so fricken fat that she can't sit down because she will suffocate her self because of all the fricken fat on her neck , and her cram can't come in side so she wouldn't be able to get up.2. The biggest fat ass, lard eating, horse shit, skunk fucking bastard in the whole dam world.3.A big fat bitch that is a lesbian hoe.

fatassbitchlesbian hoeCalvin's mom

Calvin's mom by B1g Papa2728 November 1, 2013

calvin's penis 

belongs to a little girl named Calvin. As a child he was brutally molested by autistic black kids. This caused an abnormal shrinkage to hi already minuscular package. If you ever come across a Calvin's penis, to start its engine, you must stimulate its tip like the clitoris of a women. A person with Calvin's penis will be incredibly submissive and wish to be degraded by its master.

Guy 1: Holy shit that guy is gay.
Guy 2: Nah that's just Calvin and his Calvin's penis.
Guy 3: Oh that makes sense lmfao lets go kill your mom.

calvin's penis by MrBreast Breeding January 27, 2021

Calvin's Hat

The only thing that stops the void of Calvin's Hair from consuming the universe.

John: I'm going to remove Calvin's Hat

Calvin's Hat by funnynumber6969696969 May 4, 2023

A Calvin special 

To turn on/arouse members of the opposite gender with stunning looks and a huge wang hanging from one’s crouch area; to have sex with baddies in the drug store casually and because you can; to use one’s tongue in provocative ways in and around one’s genitals.

Right Rosey, tonight you’re getting the Calvin special.

I didn’t plan on having anal sex, until she asked me to go down on her & pleasure her hairy gootch with a Calvin special.

A Calvin special by D Nasty December 1, 2020