Ass Wank

When you don't have a penis so you masturbate your anus

Friend 1: Man, I was so horny last night but I don't have a dick :(
Friend 2: You should try ass wanking, it's so good

by Superbankai April 26, 2016

Pasty-wank

When one lightly heats up a pasty and proceeds to place his gentails inside, asserting his dominace over the pastry item for pleasure.

I walked into the kitchen the other day and caught Charlie Sheen having a pasty-wank!

by Vernonthecomplicated October 30, 2017

Wank-Spank

When you partake in the hobby of masturbation and SPUNK into your hand give someone a slap across the face

Thomas hit Sarah-Jane with a peculiar Wank-Spank

by Wankyman6969 June 12, 2021

Fat Wank

When one eats a large quantity of food and proceeds to masturbate immediately afterwards.

"Great night last night, got in and ordered £60 worth of Chinese food and had a fat wank"

by RHUL Penrose January 21, 2019

Wank Shuffle

Imagining an object of desire during masturbation and then deciding to switch focus on a different source of inspiration. E.g An ex-girlfriend gets replaced in imagery for the office hottie. Beware to not allow an image of a grotty rotter in while locking on

I can't dedicate this one to one woman, I'll put a few on wank shuffle

by Nested Elevator January 6, 2018

Freedom Wank

When a relationship is dead & buried, release those feelings of sadness & heart break...
Knock out a freedom wank & celebrate a new chapter, the return to single, the return to FREEDOMMMMM!!!

Note: Think of someone hotter than your ex.

Guy 1: Dude, are you o.k? You were totally depressed about splitting up with your ex.

Gut 2: Man I'm cool! I knocked out a Freedom Wank & now I am FRRREEEEeeee! Yeeee haaaaa!

by Fake_SJB October 15, 2010

Beast wank

The act of spaffing into a carrier bag, 6 or 7 times a day. Usually performed by a spaff beast.

Craig, you spaff beast. Stop having a beast wank into that Sainsbury's bag for life and come for a beer.

by RossMcC March 30, 2011