Alpha Wank

When a male has a wank staring at himself in the mirror, usually accompanied with positive remarks "you're a fuckin good looking bastard"
One would engage in such activities to build confidence within themselves as an alpha and also in the bedroom.

Bro I had the best alpha wank last night, I feel real alpha today from it

by M3n1s January 11, 2022

Stank wank

The act of masturbating while taking a dump.

Dude, I tried so hard to get my old lady to give me a blumpkin. She wouldn't go for it so I had to settle for a stank wank.

by Chykaty chyna December 3, 2016

Philosophical Wank

When you're wanking using just your mental recollections and you begin asking yourself deep questions about the meaning of life, culminating in a more fulfilling view of the universe and life as you bust a nut.

"I just had a philosophical wank and suddenly I see things much clearer"

by Socratesticles July 16, 2020

Zombie Wank

The act of a zombie forcibly removing its penis (easily done due to the rotting flesh), and then rapidly inserting the hole where the penis used to be

Zombie 1: “Arrrggh” *Wow I just had the best zombie wank ever!*

Zombie 2: “Argh” *Yeah thanks that was mine*

by Lezo August 25, 2021

wank the crank

Grammatically correct term for mastrubation. Wank is the verb preceding crank (noun.)

A person " wanks the crank" and not vice versa.

Billy's grandmother nearly fainted when she saw him wank the crank to the nude pygmies in the National Geographic.

by Macsloan October 19, 2019

Post-wank

When you keep jacking off even though you already came.

George jizzed everywhere but continued on in post-wank shame.

by Dickweed McGee May 3, 2014

Survival Wank

When you masterbate for as long as possible without ejaculating.

This is the opposite of a turbo wank.

I had a epic survival wank over that gianna michaels porn scene.

by Elderdragon December 27, 2013