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Wank in the Bush

When you have an awkward boner and cannot keep it in your pants any longer and there isn't a bathroom near by, so you whip it out and pretend you're taking a piss but secretly wank in the bush.
Dan: "Liam mate are you having a wank in the bush?"
Liam: "Na mate just taking a piss, being holding it in all day!"
by professor oi oi July 29, 2016
mugGet the Wank in the Bushmug.

Lang Wank

A method of masturbation whereby the masturbator uses a traditional one-hand grip on the penis, while inserting the thumb from his other hand up his anus. Due to the slightly uncomfortable positioning, this practice can mean the participant takes a "long"time to complete the wank to satisfaction.

This method was apparently first seen performed in Scotland and in recognition of this, the Scottish word for Long, "Lang" is used.
I just had a lang wank, but boy, my arse is a little tender now and I can no longer bring myself to smell my thumb.
by The Artful Fudger December 13, 2010
mugGet the Lang Wankmug.

Shame wank

When you wank for so long and you have used up all your acceptable wank fantasies. You must then journey to the dark side of the wank, which is full of all the good looking people just too young to go out with in school.
Oh shit, there goes my last valid wank fantasy. I should stop before this turns into a shame wank.
by ShammyDooWop August 23, 2016
mugGet the Shame wankmug.

Zombie Wank

The act of a zombie forcibly removing its penis (easily done due to the rotting flesh), and then rapidly inserting the hole where the penis used to be
Zombie 1: “Arrrggh” *Wow I just had the best zombie wank ever!*

Zombie 2: “Argh” *Yeah thanks that was mine*
by Lezo August 25, 2021
mugGet the Zombie Wankmug.

Alpha Wank

When a male has a wank staring at himself in the mirror, usually accompanied with positive remarks "you're a fuckin good looking bastard"
One would engage in such activities to build confidence within themselves as an alpha and also in the bedroom.
Bro I had the best alpha wank last night, I feel real alpha today from it
by M3n1s January 11, 2022
mugGet the Alpha Wankmug.

German wank

A method of masturbation using just the thumb and a downward facing open palm in sharp thrusts from the elbow away from the body
Man, that Tiffany is mental, all she would do is German wank me the other night
by Currant bunman May 24, 2015
mugGet the German wankmug.

wank regret

When you finish masturbating and realise that what you just jerked to was extremely odd.

You’re not you when you’re horny. NoFap. Don’t bust a nut.
“Mate, I went onto the Rule 34 website last night. I saw some shit.”
“I bet that was a serious case of wank regret.”
by Y’know we stay t1tty December 18, 2017
mugGet the wank regretmug.

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