Alt: Two Can Jackie Chan
A rather embarrassing (for friends present who are sober / can handle their drink) and woeful condition in which the sufferer changes from a passive to an aggressive personality type having consumed a couple of pints of piss weak lager. The afflicted light weight can be regularly observed in bars and clubs, squaring up to people who are considerably taller, stronger and more adept at martial arts than they are. These 'confrontations' inevitably lead to the 'Two Can' Action Man receiving a swift kicking, necessitating an equally predictable detour to a casualty department. Also seen on execrable Police based TV documentaries adopting unconvincing martial arts poses, a la Karate Kid, in front of bored Police Officers. Just who are you trying to fool? The Police will tazer and break you!!!
Mate 1: Jim's been to hospital again!
Mate 2: Yeah the twat! He was round at mine and had two cans of Stella. Next thing you know he tried to chop a brick in half with his hand.
Mate 1: Not as bad as the time he spent two weeks in traction after he had two glasses of cider, decided he was hard and nutted that bouncer in the chest....What a Two Can Van Damme.
A wank window is limited time frame in which an opportunistic married man is alone in his home and can therefore peruse 'performing art' videos on the home computer whilst digitally stimulating his phallus. Mission control usually grants wank windows when the wife has gone to Tesco with the kids to do the shopping / gone to see relatives / went out with her mates. Wank windows are known to be tenuous and unpredictable because the wife may return early and the act of self flagellation may have to be aborted.
Courier: I tried to deliver the parcel to number 8 this morning but the bloke wouldn't answer the door. I rang the bell repeatedly but he appeared to be glued to his computer in the front room, ignorant twat!
Boss: How'd he look?
Courier: Funnily enough he was sweating, red faced and seemed utterly focused elsewhere.
Boss: Son, a man's wank window is sacred. When you're married you'll understand.