Petty Masturbation

The act of masturbating to fully clothed people or simply to the idea of something.

Jack: Man that girl so hot, I'm ready to get my petty masturbation on
Ralph: I prefer the naked girls but you do you

by Mothonator January 4, 2015

Mentally Masturbating

Adjective: A state a mind where you seem aloof but brain function is occurring.

Just so you don't think I was mentally masturbating all day here is that excel spreadsheet you requested.

by patmyballs July 10, 2009

Mental Masturbation

Manipulating usually flirtatiously yet without doing any actual sexual acts in order to get what you want.

AKA: ‘Hoeing without using your holes’

Just send a pretty girl to go scoop up that check. He won’t tell her no...
#mental masturbation

by FreakyFelonFriday February 6, 2021

Masturbation Technician

Someone whose job it is to jerk people off for medical reasons

When I grow up I want to be a masturbation technician

by Bigdickpreston September 20, 2016

Masturbation fodder

A material that has no other uses except to aid in masturbation.

Look at that picture of a woman's body in a skimpy bikini! I believe I've discovered new masturbation fodder!

by sluttytawny March 19, 2023

Panic Masturbation

The act of masturbation right before an impending tragedy or catastrophic event. Leads to a brisk and usually unsatisfying climax.

Ryan: did you hear about the new findings in flight 97 black box?
Kevin: nah man
Ryan: apparently several passengers broke out in a furious panic masturbation session during the nosedive

Kevin: how were the climaxes?
Ryan: brisk and usually unsatisfying

by Ryan McKevin July 24, 2013

Retroactive masturbation

The act of masturbating to a girl (or guy) from your past who at one point was extremely attractive but is no longer due to aging or weight gain. The masturbator would then jerk off to a mental image of how the once attractive girl looked in the past (retroactively) rather than how she looks currently. This occurs quite often when thinking about aging female celebrities who at point were major sex symbols.

Similar to "nostalgia wank".

Rick: Yo man, did you see Chloë at our ten year high school reunion?

Matt: Yea, brah. She got fat. Fuckin' shame, she used to be sooooo hot.

Rick: I know right? I'm gonna find an old yearbook and beat off to the way she used to look in high school.

Matt: Good ol' retroactive masturbation! Ya know, for a quicker yank, you could just scroll backwards through her Facebook profile photos.

by jodielover81 October 4, 2018