mental masturbation

To perform some activity, typically IT related, where performing the activity gives the performer almost sexual pleasure while doing it, yet nothing of any value or lasting value is produced. Mental masturbation is reasonably acceptable in the privacy of the performer's home, but not on their employer's time. Mental masturbation may be the reason for overly complicated and hard to understand solutions being implemented in one company, despite simpler and more commonly understood solutions being used at a number of other companies in the same industry.

To workmate, on Monday morning, "Guess what I did over the weekend! I rewrote Linux in FORTAN! Cool huh!"
Workmate, unimpressed, "That sounds like mental masturbation to me."

by Shylock Merchant September 22, 2008

intellectual masturbation

Talking to hear the sound of your own voice. See mental masturbation or bullshit.

He went on and on about how many uses he had for an avacado and a water pik, but we didn't want to hear about that intellectual masturbation

by Bur Seliu June 11, 2006

Premarital Masturbation

Masturbation, or touching of one's self, jacking off, playing the yum yum trumpet etc. Before getting engaged or married.

Gee, you hear about the pope's Premarital Masturbation?
Ya! I think he should go to hell or at least get laid.

by Taeko Hentie April 25, 2006

assisted masturbation

The act of having another individual whack you off, can be of the male or female variety.

Person 1: Dude! My girl hit me up with some assisted masturbation
Person 2: Noice!

by therealOGmexican July 26, 2016

Device masturbation

noun; the act of being on an internet enabled device for no reason other than the pleasure of oneself.

"There's been a lot of device masturbation, if you will, and it needs to stop. I know your just updating your Facebook 15 times a minute, and there is no reason for it." My history professor.

by Crazybmws September 22, 2011

corporate masturbation

the act of discussing business without actually saying ANYTHING, but embuing said corporate masturbator with an undeserved feeling of being of interest or utility to those present or his or her current employer

corporate masturbation can easilly be identified when any of the phrases below (but not limited to this list) are used in the context of discussing a business or business activities:

'going forward'
'restructure our asset-base'
'efficient through-flow model '
'KPI monitoring'
'increase the number of revenue streams'
'consolodating our holdings'
'business paradigm shift'
'stakeholders'
'daynamasism'
'strategic re-evaluation'

etc etc

by bored by business bullshit February 26, 2013

Cold Masturbation

You use a masturbator, hand, dildo, etc. that you or someone intentionally make the thing your masturbating with extremely cold. Then you masturbate with it, typically giving a orgasmic shivering nut.

Cold Masturbation is the best kind of masturbation!!!

by TioKilo December 3, 2018