precation masturbation

The act of masturbating the day before a long vacation to avoid the urge to touch oneself in close proximity to friends and/or family members.

I've made our reservations, packed our bags, and had my precation masturbation session. I am totally ready for this trip!

by RonnieRon February 6, 2017

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Big Masturbation

The forces at work trying to make me watch porn and play with my innocent Christian penis. The sex industry equivalent of Big Pharma

Me: Big Masturbation has no impact on me. I don't even do pre-marital handholding
My penis: Get PornHub Premium

by FuzzyDanglers April 23, 2020

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mind-masturbating

To mind-fuck oneself, often in succession; lubrication offered by drugs, alcohol, etc.

I'm mind masturbating to string theory right now.

John's Girlfriend: "Hey, want to come over?"
John: "Hold on a second, I'm finishing up mind-masturbating to Stephen Hawking talking about quantum physics and the theory of multiverses. Oh yeah, oh yeah..."
John's Girlfriend: "Oh."

by TH3 BL4NK October 6, 2012

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Emotional Masturbation

Making negative comment about oneself expecting a positive and opposite rmark from another

Nicholas: I'm fat
Bob: Yes you are, I'm not falling for that Emotional Masturbation
Nicholas: *Cries olive oil tears*

by d_Firefox_b March 7, 2023

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holy masturbation

After the occurrence of a massive dry spell, one must partake in the holy masturbation which is the act of sitting in a confessional using holy water as lube as the priest blesses your act of satisfaction

Im sorry father for I have sinned I haven’t gotten laid in 4 years. I must partake in holy masturbation.

by Dman1011 February 21, 2023

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