NPR Masturbation

Masturbating passively while doing something boring.

"Do you listen to This American Life?" - John
"It's a pretty good candidate for NPR masturbation." - Charlene

by ImaHonky April 19, 2009

masterbait (masturbate)

It is the term that illiterate and dumb 9-12 year old retards, who listen to the Teletubbies and masturbate to pictures of Will Smith, use to replace the original word "masturbation" with.

I, a nerdy 12 year old, usually masterbait (masturbate) to Will Smith's topless pictures.

by drugaddict4206669] September 15, 2016

Mental Masturbation

The act of imagining unreal or false things and taking them as true, and / or deliberately interpreting a fact, or acting in a wrong way, to evade a reality, boost your ego or twist a situation to your convenience.

"That girl think I like her because i invited her to my party, that's pure mental masturbation"

by Falcon64 April 30, 2018

mind-masturbating

To mind-fuck oneself, often in succession; lubrication offered by drugs, alcohol, etc.

I'm mind masturbating to string theory right now.

John's Girlfriend: "Hey, want to come over?"
John: "Hold on a second, I'm finishing up mind-masturbating to Stephen Hawking talking about quantum physics and the theory of multiverses. Oh yeah, oh yeah..."
John's Girlfriend: "Oh."

by TH3 BL4NK October 6, 2012

Masturbation Paralyzation

When you jerk off too much and your weak ass arm cannot handle the g-forces and either becomes numb or just fucking falls off your body.

Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Me: I have Masturbation Paralyzation.
Doctor: OH SHIT! Get him to the ER, we only have minutes to operate!

by WhiterThanKevinJames'Vagina June 3, 2018

professional masturbator

That good good masterbating

U like cheese professional masturbator

by That good good cheese March 29, 2021

metaphysical masturbation

When you find your way from day dreaming about sex to full on intercourse with your mind. No touching of the genitals. Just that pure, raw, emotional feeling. Your internal love is enough to propel you to climax. Usually done whilst laying in bed, thinking about a significant other or a crush.

I love her so much, whenever I think about her I find myself endulging in metaphysical masturbation.

by JGUMBY April 16, 2019