Fart Fact 9

Farts travel quite quickly at around 3.05 meters per second, which is roughly 7 miles per hour, which is faster than your average jogger who moves at about 6 miles per hour.

“If you are jogging and you fart will it overtake you?”
“Yes, Fart Fact 9!”

by AKACroatalin October 29, 2019

Fart Fact 12

Believe it or not your arse can tell whether you are going to fart or crimp off a length! The nerves in your rectum can tell whether it’s gas or solids on the move so if you need to let it go, let it go. There is, however, one exception; when you have a case of the runs, Kansas Quickstep if you prefer, and your crap is more liquid, the nerve endings can become confused which can result in a follow through.

“I know Fart Fact 12 says it’s not possible, but when Malcolm farts, it always smells like he he’s crapped himself.”

by AKACroatalin October 31, 2019

Fart Fact 13

Holding in a fart won’t harm you. You're not going to explode or damage your gut, but sooner or later your body is going to get rid of that gas, so why not consider letting it go when it will have the most effect.

“Mikey got slung out of church!”
“Why?”
“Well, he knew fart fact 13 and was holding one in. The vicar got up to do the sermon and his text was from Proverbs, ‘I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon’ and Mikey let it go!”
“What happened?”
“Half of the people were outraged and half were pissing themselves, and Mikey got slung out.”

by AKACroatalin November 1, 2019

fart weevils

Small beetles with elongated snouts who are primarily drawn to flatus.

My son has been plagued since childhood by fart weevils as he is apparently a particularly hospitable host.

by Dr Bunnygirl June 19, 2021

fart in a baggie

The ultimate in worthless environmental awareness. From a bumper sticker: "Save gas, fart in a baggie".

Maria has 12 different recycling bins; she is so fart in a baggie.

by brain drain June 14, 2009

fart lips

the vibrating edge of a sphincter when one farts

when chamberlain laid a warm one in my face his fart lips almost kissed my nose

by Stewart Chevalier August 24, 2009

Fart Car

The Smart car of the future. Scientists are currently working on a way to contain human flatulence for use in smaller, more efficient vehicles. The prototype tested has only been able to travel a few feet due to limited amounts of flatulence available per person, but the experts are also working on a way to clone and condense human farts so that one fart can become many more, thus increasing the volume available per person. People will be encouraged to consume large amounts of fiber (especially Fiber Bars) and carbonated water and drinks to increase their gas production. Instead of plugging your car into an outlet and wasting electricity, or buying the more traditional, expensive type of gas, you would fart directly into a tube that leads into your car's "gas tank", which will have a self-sealing valve after each deposit.

The Fart Car will prove to be a valuable means of transportation in the future, as farts are free and we will no longer be required to depend on foreign oil resources. The future is looking brighter, if not a bit stinkier.

"I can't wait to buy my first Fart Car!"

by munchkin'smom August 31, 2011