computer

A computer is a terrible beast. It secrets vomit, has the ability to rip up a tree in one minute, and has a special tongue to lick it's balls.

Computers are found in many places. They can addict you, and they sometimes look on the internet (a vile network of voodoo telepathy which they use) to find pictures of your friends and family and pretend they're alive even after they are dead.

A computer has several intelligence levels:
PC: As stupid as the user
Super Computer: Unpredictable
Mac: <no intelligence>

A computer often visits sites of pornography so as to participate in virtual sex with another computer. It then blames the creation and visiting of these sites on humans nearby. How arrogant!!!

My computer licked it's balls.
My computer regularly opens porn sites.
My computer spreads viruses.

by High Technologist December 15, 2004

Let John Go Back On Computer

A Northern phrase used when awaiting something of extreme importance.

"Can I go on the computer?"
"Wait!"
"Let John go back on computer!"

by johnsmellslikeeffinfish January 31, 2009

Computer

A plastic hunk of shit that pisses off everyone it comes in contact with to no avail. It is the biggest waste of money a person could ever fall victim to, and every nerd who would defend this invention should be shot directly through their temple so as not to miss and leave them paralysed (because even paralysed people can cause problemsStephen Hawkins).

This piece of shit (computer) just crashed, and I lost my entire essay. I fucking hate this pile of fucking shit.

by Ibetyoujustcalledmearacist February 16, 2006

computer

A machine designed mainly to play Solitaire and fix endless problems consuming time and money.

<Idioth> I got a computer yesterday!
<Idoith> Luckyyy!! How is it?
<Idioth> Great! Plenty of Solitaire and a crapload of errors!

by Bastardized Bottomburp September 1, 2003

Computer

Your best Friend, the protector of Alpha Complex. Disagreeing is treason.
See also, dictator

Citizen, is the computer your friend?

by Phil-U-INN August 11, 2005

Computer Blue

a cause of severe destruction or death. in reference to the "blue screen of death" when your computer crashes.

dude, did you see that tackle in the game last night?
yeah, they computer blued the shit out of that guy.

by Noah McGraw December 18, 2008

computer geek

Basically goes up to a fifty year old virgin who spends his nights/days either waiting for a reply from his roleplay buddy or playing Counter-Strike, has been to at least six World Of WarCraft conventions, and thinks he's quite the pimp becuase he has six or seven online girlfriends. Who he refuses to send pictures. Calls his mother at least twice a day, just wondering "What's up."

Also see "pathetic".

Computer Geek-
Frodo23432: Hey guys, wanna play C-S?
Jk294803: HELLS YES!!!
Gandolf8493: I'LL PWN YOU GUYS! jk, jk!!!!

by GoldFlavoredSilver June 11, 2006