When you're afraid your dick will never work again, so you say and do anything to get laid. Holding a guitar in your hand helps in the process as well as hanging out with very drunken barflys hags.
Bobby is going through Mid Life Penis. He just took home another cocksucking drunk chick. I heard she puked on his dick.
by J,T, T, P June 22, 2008
Get the Mid Life Penis mug.The period of time after a divorce when a man gets in shape, buys new clothes and a flashy car. Usually fairly short lived as remarriage is imminent. Very similar to a midlife crises but not age related.
by CardWa January 22, 2008
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A non-medical professional with no training who "helps" babies be born.
While midwives fell greatly in favor in the past due to modern medicine, they are currently experiencing a slight comeback because hippies are stupid.
While midwives fell greatly in favor in the past due to modern medicine, they are currently experiencing a slight comeback because hippies are stupid.
"We're thinking about hiring a midwife for our baby instead of a licensed medical doctor."
"Enjoy your stillbirth."
"Enjoy your stillbirth."
by GAWII May 31, 2013
Get the midwife mug.by 321 barbie March 13, 2012
Get the midwife crisis mug.The international standard unit (SI) for measuring bullshit. Abbreviated as mF.
Usually measured via Bullshit Meter.
The standard millifecal scale:
000-150 mF = Fib
151-270 mF = White Lie
271-400 mF = Smells Funky...
401-531 mF = Crap
532-780 mF = Bullshit!
781-999 mF = No F***ing Way.
1000-9000 mF: You are advised to seek help if you regularly find your daily bullshit exposure levels within this range.
Over 9000 mF: Fatal.
Usually measured via Bullshit Meter.
The standard millifecal scale:
000-150 mF = Fib
151-270 mF = White Lie
271-400 mF = Smells Funky...
401-531 mF = Crap
532-780 mF = Bullshit!
781-999 mF = No F***ing Way.
1000-9000 mF: You are advised to seek help if you regularly find your daily bullshit exposure levels within this range.
Over 9000 mF: Fatal.
Man 1: Tell me again what the millifecal is based on?
Man 2: It’s basically how much you can poop in one day.
*loud electrical whine*
Man 1: Whoa, you're registering 553mF on my Bullshit Meter!
Man 2: Good. I wondered if that thing still worked.
Dude 1: Quiet! I can't hear the State of the Union Address!
President on TV: "... and our economy is looking better every day!"
Dude 2: Ha. What would you rate that?
Dude 1: About 650 millifecals.
Man 2: It’s basically how much you can poop in one day.
*loud electrical whine*
Man 1: Whoa, you're registering 553mF on my Bullshit Meter!
Man 2: Good. I wondered if that thing still worked.
Dude 1: Quiet! I can't hear the State of the Union Address!
President on TV: "... and our economy is looking better every day!"
Dude 2: Ha. What would you rate that?
Dude 1: About 650 millifecals.
by The Craftsman December 4, 2013
Get the millifecal mug.Mid 30s white suburban parents who try to act like 20 year old bros
Signs include but not limited to:
American Fighter/affliction or some bullshit shirt about how they’re so offensive and don’t care, obviousLy on roids, overly tan, usually talks about the going to the lake all the time. Exorbitant amount of overpriced product stickers (RTIC, Yeti, Malibu boats and a punisher logo for some reason) on his lifted Jeep with no doors or jacked up F250 and off roading consists of median hopping to avoid suburb traffic jams. Dresses kids in expensive athletic gear (compression pants under basketball shorts) like they are pro’s when little billy’s jump shot sucks and daddy is in denial. Overuse of “bro”, your 38 years old Tom, stop saying that. Miserable behind closed doors
*Exorbitant amount of credit card debt to keep up the appearance of the good life
Their kids are spoiled little fuckboys who think they are special but are just like every other twat waffle in town.
I live around these societal crotchstains and I hate it. Cypress, TX has some good people in it, it’s the asshats who think that because they’re family sits in the front row at church and rubs elbows with the pastor, it makes them part of the “in crowd” People don’t envy your family, it’s annoying and sad. Have some substance in your life and stop being a shallow pool of cloudy douche water.
Signs include but not limited to:
American Fighter/affliction or some bullshit shirt about how they’re so offensive and don’t care, obviousLy on roids, overly tan, usually talks about the going to the lake all the time. Exorbitant amount of overpriced product stickers (RTIC, Yeti, Malibu boats and a punisher logo for some reason) on his lifted Jeep with no doors or jacked up F250 and off roading consists of median hopping to avoid suburb traffic jams. Dresses kids in expensive athletic gear (compression pants under basketball shorts) like they are pro’s when little billy’s jump shot sucks and daddy is in denial. Overuse of “bro”, your 38 years old Tom, stop saying that. Miserable behind closed doors
*Exorbitant amount of credit card debt to keep up the appearance of the good life
Their kids are spoiled little fuckboys who think they are special but are just like every other twat waffle in town.
I live around these societal crotchstains and I hate it. Cypress, TX has some good people in it, it’s the asshats who think that because they’re family sits in the front row at church and rubs elbows with the pastor, it makes them part of the “in crowd” People don’t envy your family, it’s annoying and sad. Have some substance in your life and stop being a shallow pool of cloudy douche water.
I feel bad for him, his parents are going through a mid life douche crisis so they don’t pay attention to him.
by Jbdefinitions June 13, 2019
Get the Mid life douche crisis mug.by Poopinpanda June 25, 2019
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