almond joy

The act of deceiving a receptive sexual partner into thinking you're unwrapping and putting on a condom, while in reality you're simply unwrapping and consuming a candy bar. Success depends in large part on your partner's non-visualization of your hands and penis, either by means of a darkened room or sexual positioning (e.g. doggy style), as well as lack of familiarity with the feel of a bare vs. sheathed penis. May be additionally satisfying if you're able to consume the candy bar while actively having bareback intercourse.

"Sarah was drunk and totally DTF last night, but I didn't have any jim hats on hand, so I just turned off the lights and pulled an almond joy."

"My blind girlfriend was a virgin before we dated, so I felt pretty comfortable giving her an almond joy without risking an STD."

That dude doesn't like to bareback, but he's so high on ecstasy he doesn't even know that the guy behind him just slipped it in almond joy style.

by SchlitzKicker January 9, 2011

Pulling an Alford

Skipping or dropping out of school in order to work at McDonald's.

"Where's Tamokai?"
"Oh, he's pulling an Alford"

by Vasso63 May 28, 2016

Almoster

When something is more almost than another something.

Oh well it's almost St-Patties Day, but it's almoster Friday!

by Guillaume 3D March 10, 2009

Choke On An Almond

When a person who lacks blowjob giving skills gags on a less than average penis.

I don't know what was wrong with me last night; I finally got James naked and I gagged on his dick, and it was only four inches long! I can usually deep throat to 8 inches but sometimes I still choke on an almond.

by Lexxtacular November 2, 2011

A word that has simply lost all meaning throughout history. It’s definition has faded into obscurity after being trending on Urban Dictionary for almost two years.

A sentence in the definition of "Watermelon Sugar" that was colored blue because of the three other words called "A word that has simply lost all meaning throughout history. It’s definition has", "faded into obscurity after being" and "trending on Urban Dictionary for almost two years." which makes the said sentence a link which makes it blue.
(There is a feature in Urban Dictionary where if a word has no links in the definition, then it would automatically generate the links)

"A word that has simply lost all meaning throughout history. It’s definition has faded into obscurity after being trending on Urban Dictionary for almost two years." -DontHateTheGameHateThePlayer

by dgfhgfdcghghfgghhhgggghhhhhhhh July 10, 2021

Almost

Failed potential.

To come to the brink of something beautiful but just fall short of it.

We almost made it.

by wandering June 12, 2014

almostache

The early adolecent stage of growing a mustache,when it mostly consists of peach-fuzz with a dozen or so black hairs.

mother: "Go wash that dirt off of your upper lip for dinner".
preteenager: "I did mom,this is my mustache".
mother: " I'm sorry that I confused your almostache with having a dirty lip".

by fat wyt guy May 29, 2009