The male version of a camel toe where you can see the outline of the dudes junk from pants that are too tight.
Dude, check out Tim's Almond Joy. No wonder he's always depressed.
by Duane Ball May 17, 2004
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A man's "package" in his pants. Like a ladies "Camel Toe"
His pants are so tight you can see his almond joy!
by Joni Simpson November 12, 2003
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To ejaculate on a piece of fecal matter, preferably human feces.
Jhon: Richard! Did you make another almond joy in the bathroom?
Richard: I'm sorry, I couldn't help it.
by Lemonade Man420 April 22, 2020
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When a man has diarrhea and it covers his testicals. He can let it dry on his testicals and then let someone lick it off.
Female version of this is a "Mounds"
Jeff had the shits all day, so when I got home he gave me an almond joy.
by malcum ex November 19, 2010
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The act of deceiving a receptive sexual partner into thinking you're unwrapping and putting on a condom, while in reality you're simply unwrapping and consuming a candy bar. Success depends in large part on your partner's non-visualization of your hands and penis, either by means of a darkened room or sexual positioning (e.g. doggy style), as well as lack of familiarity with the feel of a bare vs. sheathed penis. May be additionally satisfying if you're able to consume the candy bar while actively having bareback intercourse.
"Sarah was drunk and totally DTF last night, but I didn't have any jim hats on hand, so I just turned off the lights and pulled an almond joy."

"My blind girlfriend was a virgin before we dated, so I felt pretty comfortable giving her an almond joy without risking an STD."

That dude doesn't like to bareback, but he's so high on ecstasy he doesn't even know that the guy behind him just slipped it in almond joy style.
by SchlitzKicker January 09, 2011
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