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are you joking me off

a question asked of someone when they're telling you something you don't want to hear.
coworker #1: "did you hear we have to have these reports done by this afternoon."

coworker #2: "are you joking me off right now?"
by gap tooth grin August 19, 2009
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dont taze me bro

"bro i just had a fucking 3 some last night wth your mom"
"Dont taze me bro"
by Anonymous12315123123141 January 9, 2008
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My sister told me that

What you say at the end of an epic story, thinking that you'll will either get a laugh or agreement from your audience, only to find vacant faces.
"So after the third trip to the drinking fountain, I just didn't want anything to drink.....(vacant faces).....the end. My sister told me that."

OR

"Did you know that blind people dream?"
(Pause)
Reply: "Did your sister tell you that?"
by JF_Jesus April 15, 2010
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Dropped me the fuck off

When you are enjoying something thoroughly and it stops suddenly for no apparent reason.
Man, that strawberry mescaline bar really dropped me the fuck off.
by Rawohxela420 January 21, 2018
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SELL ME YOUR SHIT

Phrase often used by players of the game "Skyrim". Player is often done watching Tosh.0 and searching for real entertainment. Also, a phrase taken at face value.
MERCHANT-You need something?
PLAYER-Everything! Sell me your shit!!

"I'm going to the bathroom, shouldn't have finished off the jalapenos."

"Sell me your shit!"

"ok"
by dannycarey January 10, 2012
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Show me the birth certificate

A way of saying "prove it." Inspired by how President Obama had to show his birth certificate to prove that he was, in fact, born in America.
Person 1: Dude, Martians just landed on Earth.
Person 2: No way. show me the birth certificate.
by arkemedes June 1, 2011
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my cat scratched me

A common excuse used to devoid attention from a mark residing on your arm or thigh, often caused by self-harm rather than an unstable cat.
what’s that?”
my cat scratched me.”
by inverted_bracelet_manufacturer November 7, 2021
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