When you lay down a few sheets of toilet paper on the water surface before taking a dump, preventing water from splashing on your ass when the turd drops.
This toilet looks like it hasn't been cleaned in ages! I better set up a turd raft to protect by delicate bottom from the AIDS.
by mythirdeye006 April 25, 2011
When taking someone rough around the edges and making them look and act better, but still has a hint of stank.
by Mackb4 March 13, 2017
Driver: Speeding, going 55 in a 25.
Passenger: yells slow down, watch out for that speed bump!
Driver: hits it going full speed then says"Oh thats just a speed turd"
Passenger: yells slow down, watch out for that speed bump!
Driver: hits it going full speed then says"Oh thats just a speed turd"
by CJ Stuntin March 30, 2010
by Largetarget April 19, 2018
An unproven, purely theoretical construct that the psychological disorder known as Golden Turd Syndrome is based on, which is the idea that one’s shits are “golden” and that one is a human god and therefore can do no wrong and should not be confined by the laws that apply to others.
Turd Alchemy is the underlying irrational and pervasive pseudoscientific delusion responsible for the ongoing deification of Trump and his cronies by so many of today’s Republicans.
by Dr Bunnygirl September 22, 2022
When your sitting on the toilet for atleast 20 minutes and it feels as if the biggest turd has came out of your rectum; when you get up to wipe there's nothing in the bowl.
After twenty minutes of sitting on the crapper Johnny got up to whip and comes to find nothing there but a Houdini Turd.
by Lueckmans November 09, 2009
When an intoxicated individual consumes too much food, and then begins to secrete a turd-like substance out the mouth, resulting in a turd shaped vomit. It is often found leaving serious skid marks
by bighorse123 February 06, 2011