closet jerk

someone who is only pretending to be nice to you but secretly doesn't like you. May ignore you, never include you and diss you in private with their closet jerk friends.

"He just politely shut me down with that irritating politician smile. What a closet jerk."

by Caaulolo September 16, 2020

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closet crunch

When your girlfriend is knee deep in housework and you ambush her while she's putting clothes away, get her all folded up in the corner of the closet like a cheap lawn chair & bang the daylights out of her. After, you pull one of her shirts off the hanger to wipe up with.

Stacie was super busy putting clothes away, when Eric totally snuck up on her & gave her a heavy dose of the ol' closet crunch.

by ms super funnier than eric November 15, 2011

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Closet Poptart

A person who was believed to be straight for a long period of time who suddenly "comes out of the closet," in an unexpected and rapid manner.

I thought Jim was a playboy who railed dimes every day, untill he gave all the guys head at Becky's sweet 16. Fucking closet poptart!

by WebstersXXX January 10, 2015

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Monstre in the closet

(n.) considerably a person that is thought of as dangerous based off what they reveal to another person. They usually act differently around one group of people than they will around a whole other group of people, probably to save face around a typically “normal” person or someone they like. Not to be confused with being “in the closet”, because that’s just homosexual… for real.

yeah, total Monstre in the Closet.

by Pure69 April 29, 2011

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Walking closet

The act of wearing an inappropriate amount of clothes in layers.

1. "Did you see all the shirts that Jane is wearing?"

"Yeah, she's a walking closet."

2. "It's so cold out today I'm dressing like a walking closet."

by danijd June 4, 2013

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