Often referred to as the armpit of America, Scranton is a gray town, peppered with lush trees, an overabundance of bars, churches, and pizza parlors. What makes this barely thriving town so unique is the time-warped mindset of the natives. There are 5 parts, the North Side, which is often ignored, as its residents are nothing to write home about, the South Side, whose heroin supply keeps all the local junkies in check, the East Side, also known as the hillsection, which was once the neighborhood of the rich and fabulous coal breakers, but has since become a melting pot of the minorites, the poor, and the bourgeoisies, and lest we forget, the west side, a wretched place saturated with overzealous christianity and GED-toting scumbags. Green Ridge rounds out the lot as the most appealing section. Green Ridge is nestled away from all the grime, with its sprawling mansions, its top notch schools, and its genetically blessed inhabitants. Now, don't let the appearance of Green Ridge fool you. The worst kind of scumbags hail from this verdant stretch, the rich ones. All in all, Scrantonites can agree on one thing. Sure, the impoverished aren't going to be sitting down to dinner with the wealthy, but that's not to say they wouldn't have a few drinks with them...because remember, in Scranton, there's always a bar nearby a church, as long as you don't mind walking a block.
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Get the The Scranton Tickle mug.Scranton is a city in north-east Pa that is, and the only way to describe it, fucked up. Built on coal when that shit is what people used to keep from dying and heat their homes in the winter (even uppity fucks from NYC who think they are a self sufficient planet and could secede from the universe)but has fallen on hard times as has the industry. The people who live there have been festering resentment at everybody while at the same time trying to maintain their dignity and history. Also, it is close to NYC and Philly so intelligent and entrepreneurial criminals set up shop there to take advantage of the situation. What does this mean, Scranton has idiosycrancies that are both cool and weird. Is so fucked up that it cannot be compared legitimately to any other city. And is a place where some kind old granny will fry you up a batch of pierogies with mangoes (green peppers in Scranton) if you ask her nicely, or some meth head will shank your spleen for the last of your warm beer. Was the home of the Molly Maguires, the original gang who fucked up shit old school. Google it sometime.
The urban planning in Scranton is thus: church, bar, church, church, bar, crackhouse, university, bar, church, bar.
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