n. A Christian is someone who believes an omnipresent omnibenevolent deity exists who understands and comprehends everything in all of it's intricacies, no matter how small or mundane. Perhaps more miraculous than the being itself is the unwavering denial, even in the wake of 9/11, and Slavery, and the Holocaust, and the child sex rings in Cambodia, and the dark ages, and the use of an atomic bomb...twice...on civilians.
"Police say a Forrest City, Arkansas man has been charged with raping his 8 day-old baby."
Child: Mom why did the man hurt the baby?
Mother: Well sweety, the baby simply didn't pray hard enough, if the baby had been a good christian and taken notes, not only would it have avoided rape, but would be rich and peeing on underage girls like that upstanding R. Kelly fellow. That man can pray, and it shows! *sigh* It's good to know that there's a force of perfect good keeping everything in balance
Child: Mom why did the man hurt the baby?
Mother: Well sweety, the baby simply didn't pray hard enough, if the baby had been a good christian and taken notes, not only would it have avoided rape, but would be rich and peeing on underage girls like that upstanding R. Kelly fellow. That man can pray, and it shows! *sigh* It's good to know that there's a force of perfect good keeping everything in balance
by Ignorancekills August 24, 2009
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n. The monster lurking within a Christian male's pants, waiting to attack his lover's meat wallet or cum dumpster.
n. Term first used on a popular South Florida talk show, by regular caller Archie.
n. The monster lurking within a Christian male's pants, waiting to attack his lover's meat wallet or cum dumpster.
n. Term first used on a popular South Florida talk show, by regular caller Archie.
"Dude, I gave her all of my purple headed christian meat missile last night."
"No shit!"
"Yeah, her fuckhole ate it up like she was practicing for a hot dog eating contest."
"No shit!"
"Yeah, her fuckhole ate it up like she was practicing for a hot dog eating contest."
by Birdielin14 September 15, 2008
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A Church of Christ University in Lubbock, Texas. Many students either graduate from Lubbock Christian High School or are from out of town. It is commonly referred to as "Love Connection University", because the vast majority of students marry a fellow Chap. LCU is a tight knit community that prides itself on its "Girl's Clubs" and "Boy's clubs". These groups are essentially sororities and fraternities that are rule-bound under the University. Those who choose to abstain from joining a club or playing sports will find themselves struggling to fit in due to the lack of academic activities. LCU is very much a socially focused University.
I live in Lubbock and had never heard of Lubbock Christian University, but they accepted my financial aid... so I came.
by LCUStudent March 30, 2010
Get the Lubbock Christian University mug.The Christian taliban is used to refer those conservative christians who are very religious and want their religion to play a big role in public life, influencing laws (for instance, making abortion illegal). It is used towards those christian Americans who while very “conservative” are nowhere near the Talibans in terms of backwardness.
by Dandy needs Candy October 3, 2020
Get the Christian Taliban mug.A Christiana is someone who is a blessed person, who is smart, funny and incredibly deep. She does love a good gossip now and then, but always is loyal to you. She is the bestest friend you could ever wish for. She is beautiful, gorgeous, with an amazing singing voice. She is also extremely talented, and adored by many. Christiana also has a model like body.
by BubblyCharlotte September 1, 2013
Get the Christiana mug.A person who believes a person named Jesus died because he claimed he was God, and supposedly came back to life by unexplained scientific means. Their religious text "The Bible" is divided into two parts, each one contradicts the other. They also share the first half of "The Bible" with the Jewish faith, however they disagree with most of it.
In some weird fashion, Christians identify their Deity (God) as three people in one, explained below.
Jesus- The son, God is somehow his child.
God- The father. Weird.
Ghost- The third part, which we really never hear about but plays a huge role in our "salvation".
Christians are usually identified by their social nature, their biblical teaching tells them to love on another and constantly spread the word of Christ (The Bible). Pretty much Christians are recognized because they are complete assholes, or pussies. Generally the kid who sits at lunch hall alone, and cries at break period. Be wary, if you associate with them they will probaby shove the word down your throat.
In some weird fashion, Christians identify their Deity (God) as three people in one, explained below.
Jesus- The son, God is somehow his child.
God- The father. Weird.
Ghost- The third part, which we really never hear about but plays a huge role in our "salvation".
Christians are usually identified by their social nature, their biblical teaching tells them to love on another and constantly spread the word of Christ (The Bible). Pretty much Christians are recognized because they are complete assholes, or pussies. Generally the kid who sits at lunch hall alone, and cries at break period. Be wary, if you associate with them they will probaby shove the word down your throat.
Christian: Hello, Good sir! I would like to share the word of Christ, who is also God and the Holy Ghost at the same time!
Person: .....What?
God: Jesus, I am your father's nephew's uncles brother's sister's brother's father's son.
Jesus: I know, for Christianity is the most clear text in the universe. I wrote it!
Parent: You must believe in Christ, or else we will disown you!
Child: But Mom.....!
Parents: Silence! You must be stoned to death for disobedience! (Deuteronomy 21:18-21)
Person: .....What?
God: Jesus, I am your father's nephew's uncles brother's sister's brother's father's son.
Jesus: I know, for Christianity is the most clear text in the universe. I wrote it!
Parent: You must believe in Christ, or else we will disown you!
Child: But Mom.....!
Parents: Silence! You must be stoned to death for disobedience! (Deuteronomy 21:18-21)
by Desperate Advisor October 31, 2010
Get the Christian mug.Those who practice the religion Christianity.
Sometimes reffering to a name of a person.
They can be found anywhere. They are very easily recognized by seeing if they carry these traits.
Narrow minded, homophobic, sexist and often found believing in imaginary friends.
Common beliefs of a Christian.
- homosexuality is wrong.
- that an imaginary supreme being called god loves them.
Sometimes reffering to a name of a person.
They can be found anywhere. They are very easily recognized by seeing if they carry these traits.
Narrow minded, homophobic, sexist and often found believing in imaginary friends.
Common beliefs of a Christian.
- homosexuality is wrong.
- that an imaginary supreme being called god loves them.
by krnhsgw June 28, 2008
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