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double header purple monkey fuck

The act of smoking a cigarette and just before your done you light another cigarette using the cherry from the first cigarette then smoke the second one.
Looks like our smoke break is a extended today. Plenty of time for a double header purple monkey fuck.
by fLeers March 17, 2013
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counting my monkeys before they're out of the trees

Assuming you will have something before you actually have it; similar to "counting your chickens before they hatch" (which is commonly attributed to Aesop).
"The Mariners could do better than expected this year."

"Let's not kid ourselves. Check your premises before you make a prediction."

"I'm assuming a number of things go right. Maybe I'm just counting my monkeys before they're out of the trees."
by Rusanova March 7, 2012
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Monkeyism

A religion where the devout believers of this religion are monkey men and believe that God is a monkey

monkey the believer

Monke the God

monkey temple/jungle a church for Monkeyism

Monke man Pope or Cardinal
I am a devout Monkeyism believer
by Everybody is a monkey May 1, 2022
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Monkeyitis

Noun - Pathology.

A reoccurring ailment characterized by the attraction to members of the opposite sex who are not available for a relationship.

Also noted for its incredible difficulty to be cured.

Origin - 2000s; English: Monkey + itis.
"What happened to that girl you liked?"

"Yeah, well, it was going well until 'Monkeyitis' struck again"

"Ah shit man, that's tough".
by Monkey1991 December 27, 2009
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Half past a monkey's ass, quarter to his balls

3:45...I think? Who knows what this means really?
What time is it? Half past a monkey's ass, quarter to his balls.
by HK Orlando October 19, 2006
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Lemme pull up to your bumper and smack that monkey

In, nonebonical terms, i would like to make love to you.
Damn, bitch u stupid fly, lemme pull up to your bumper and smack that monkey.
by Jeff January 12, 2004
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Panda Monkey Koala CEO genius hooker

It's been described as the coolest damn thing ever. It is the CEO of a massive company, a ligit hooker, a genius, and can do tons of magic tricks, as well as tell funny jokes. It is basically the greatest thing ever, right after the invention of tits.
The Panda Monkey Koala CEO genius hooker glanced at me and told a funny joke while jugging chainsaws on a unicle over a pit of sharks.
by FaggotBoyFresh March 8, 2009
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