closet candy crusher

One who secretly smokes methamphetamine out of hookers buttholes using a special ass bong device. It is like a normal bong except that the bottom is open, allowing the water chamber to be the rectum of said hooker.

Bro: "Yo man I heard Randy is a closet candy crusher. Dude smokes ice out of skank booty."

Bro2: "Damn, I knew I shouldn't have let him borrow my assbong. Oh well YOLO!"

Bro: "Nasty mang, you probably got mouth herpes now."

by the mysterious j September 7, 2013

Closet Tosser

(noun) Someone who masturbates (i.e has a "toss") but never admits to it (either because they think it's disgusting or otherwise). Girls make up the majority of secret tossers.

Frank: Oy Jenny, do you masturbate?

Jenny: No! That's disgusting!

Frank: Quit being a Closet Tosser already & just own up to it!

by J. Bloom May 13, 2014

closet cusser

Very sweet , shy, quiet individual, but behind closed doors has the dirtiest mouth in history.

Oh my gosh, Amanda is such a sweet girl, but I am sure she is a closet cusser.

by Strippin Zorro January 18, 2016

Closet Escaper

Person who successfully accepted that they're gay or successfully escaped Narnia.

Did you hear about Colton? He's finally came out! He's a closet escaper!

by Cheeseburger69 March 18, 2016

closet fucking

Engaging in sexual intercourse inside of a closet. In some cases it is a fetish for the thrill of hiding or getting "caught".

Eric and I were closet fucking because we didn't want his friend Jenny to hear us while she played call of duty. After the closet fucking he passed out and I built a snowman with Jenny.

by POTtybreak August 25, 2016

Closet Piece

a girl who is friends with a guy and the guy secretly has feelings for the girl but doesn't want to show them because the girl isn't the typical aesthetic norm that they would date

TAYLOR: I really like Luke...
BRIANA: Well, does Luke like you back?
TAYLOR: Yes, but he won't do anything about it!
BRIANA: Why not? If he likes you, there shouldn't be a problem.
TAYLOR: I'm not a size zero, I'm short and my thighs are too thick... He won't date me because I don't look like all the other girls. But, he still fucks me every now and then.
BRIANA: Damn, you're his closet piece.

by boosadleys June 12, 2016

Closet Poker

A man who plays Pokemon go in secret. Typically gay men with beards, and they are normally outdoors or sports type men. They can be spotted by their social media post denouncing Pokemon go, but secretly loving it.

Jesse is always dogging Pokemon Go on social medi, and I bet he's a Closet Poker who secretly loves men and Pokemon.

by Kenziel2323 August 1, 2016