my dog ate a bagel

A famous excuse for not coming in on mondays.

employee 1: hey i can't come in today my dog ate a bagel

jared: thats okay buddy i want to be your best friend.

by Mr. Peterson February 16, 2008

My dog stepped on a bee

More like Amber Heard stepped on the bee, but she framed the bloody dog!

Amber Heard: My dog stepped on a bee *screws up her face*

Me: You fucking stepped on the bee you crazy bitch, you just framed the bloody dog!

by UltimateDoge September 5, 2022

I'm Petting My Dog

Specifically when a male masturbates or strokes his erect genitalia and would like someone to know it. Used mainly for describing to a significant other over phone calls or public that you are/have masturbating. The reason you would use this term and not just outright say it would be due to things like: They're parents are in the room, you're in a public place, they have you on phone speaker, etc.

"Hey,"
"Hey!"
"Am I on speaker?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Oh I'm just calling to let you know I'm petting my dog.."
"Oh..."
*Takes off speaker*

by HipstaSquirrel September 6, 2016

My dog stepped on a bee

A joke about when "Amber Heard" said this during court

I'm not feeling good my dog stepped on a bee.

by Just a human_6 February 23, 2023

i fucked my dog

When you fuck you dog in the ass

Dude i got so drunk and i fucked my dog

by Clioonline March 8, 2018

Vagina ate my dog

It is very nice and a Chinese tradition

Person: my vagina ate my dog
Dog: gets eaten my vagina

by Pussy water bitch November 27, 2019

what about my dog

What about my dog is a term used for wondering if your dog would be included if you go out somewhere. It would normally be said by someone in the name of maximus.

We're going out to Australia tomorrow, wanna come?
"What about my dog"

by Saudi Arabia chicken nugg nugg September 12, 2017