1. All men are born with one (1) mancard. A mancard is a symbolic phrase to recognize manliness within the human population.
2. You may gain extra mancards throughout your life by doing manly things.
a. Manly things include, but are not limited to:
i. Firing your first gun
ii. Getting in a fight with a respectable opponent, bullying does not count and will result in removal of a mancard.
iii. Standing up for your woman, family, the innocent, or friends.
iv. Being a true gentleman.
v. Breaking twenty-five miles per hour over the speed limit.
vi. Beating a video game deemed manly and worthy of playing by other men.
1. Halo (1,2,3,ODST)
2. Gears of War
3. Left 4 Dead
4. Goldeneye
vii. Showing your knowledge of AND preparedness for a zombiepocalypse OR nuclear holocaust AND having that knowledge be evaluated by another man who has already received a mancard for this reason. Knowledge includes knowing how to survive AND helping others survive insofar as it does not impede your own survival.
b. Manly things are decided by other men currently in possession of a mancard. If you do something manly when no other men are around you may record the event and claim a mancard however upon telling the story at a later date another man must give you a mancard in recognition of the manliness, if this does not happen that man card is not effective.
3. Mancards may be taken at ANY time by ANY man for acts that a real man should be ashamed of, regret, or simply make them less of a man.
a. Taking a mancard can be for any of the following reasons, however, other reasons may be added to this list if situations call for it:
i. Ditching friends. Especially if it is to do something girly over something manly when doing so will not cause you to gain any form of physical relations.
1. Example being, not going to a UFC fight with your guy friends and deciding to go see a chick flick (i.e. High School Musical 3) with girls that you are not dating nor provide an opportunity to gain physical interaction with any of the girls.
ii. Making a stupid comment involving high school gossip, or any other overtly gay topic of which no man should ever speak.
iii. Quoting movies, songs, or any other media, when such media is deemed girly, gay, stupid, or otherwise unmanly by the majority of mancard holding men (Exceptions made when such comment or quote is used in ridicule or otherwise demeaning the media being quoted). Examples being:
1. Nickleback
2. 3oh3
3. The Notebook
4. Fall Out Boy
5. Creed
6. Cosmo
7. Any “E!” “Oxygen” or “Lifetime” television show.
iv. Treating any woman, child, or person that looks to you as a role model/elder with disrespect or in a manner unbecoming of a gentleman.
1. This one may be excused in such a time as it is in a joking manner such as sarcasm AND when the person is a good friend or family and understands that the disrespect is not meant seriously.
v. Other reasons deemed unworthy of holding a mancard by other men with mancards.
4. A mancard may be permanently revoked in such a situation that brings irrevocable shame or guilt on the man in that he no longer deserves respect by other men. Such a case is to be determined by no less than four (4) other men so as not to single someone out due to a biased opinion. A permanent revoking of any and all mancards may happen in one of the following OR equally as devastating situations:
a. Battery on a woman or child. No man should EVER strike a woman or child with intent to harm, humiliate, injure, or otherwise cause damage to their physical or mental state.
i. Joking “love taps” or otherwise non-injuring or harmful “play hitting” is not a cause for permanent revocation.
b. Acting in a SERIOUS racist or sexist manner. Small leeway is allowed in this rule in regards to joking with a crowd that understands you are joking and in that you acknowledge that you mean nothing from it. Any blatant racism or sexism in which the man is serious and has actual racist or sexist beliefs is grounds for a permanent revocation.
5. Women may on RARE occasions receive mancards for extraordinary acts of manliness or otherwise for which a man recognizes this and deems it appropriate. Women who receive mancards are of the highest quality of women and should be treated with the utmost respect, these are women that are able to hang with the guys and hold their own and not get “girly” when the men want to do manly things. Some examples of occasions that call for a woman to receive a mancard include:
a. Going to the gun range and showing knowledge of the guns and firing properly without hesitation or help.
i. Without help does no mean someone can’t show her how to fire but after learning she must return on another date and fire without help using the knowledge she gained previously.
b. Beating a video game deemed manly OR successfully defeating an experienced player in a multiplayer match.
i. Multiple matches required so as to not give a mancard for a lucky win. Minimum of five (5) wins OR three (3) consecutive wins. Either the five or three wins must all be achieved in a single gaming session.
ii. Boyfriends or significant others are not allowed to give this mancard as they may be inclined to “let her win” to give her a mancard. Exception to the rule may be accepted if the woman is withholding physical relations; however, this must be approved by another man before her mancard is accepted.
c. Showing ample knowledge and interest of a manly professional sport. Included sports may be: UFC, Football, Hockey, etc. Excluded sports include: Tennis, Golf, Curling, etc.
d. Out eating a man at an all you can eat buffet OR with wings, ribs, or otherwise deemed manly foods.
6. Men with mancards shall always respect each other as a mancard is a sign of being manly and no man that is not worthy of respect shall have one.
2. You may gain extra mancards throughout your life by doing manly things.
a. Manly things include, but are not limited to:
i. Firing your first gun
ii. Getting in a fight with a respectable opponent, bullying does not count and will result in removal of a mancard.
iii. Standing up for your woman, family, the innocent, or friends.
iv. Being a true gentleman.
v. Breaking twenty-five miles per hour over the speed limit.
vi. Beating a video game deemed manly and worthy of playing by other men.
1. Halo (1,2,3,ODST)
2. Gears of War
3. Left 4 Dead
4. Goldeneye
vii. Showing your knowledge of AND preparedness for a zombiepocalypse OR nuclear holocaust AND having that knowledge be evaluated by another man who has already received a mancard for this reason. Knowledge includes knowing how to survive AND helping others survive insofar as it does not impede your own survival.
b. Manly things are decided by other men currently in possession of a mancard. If you do something manly when no other men are around you may record the event and claim a mancard however upon telling the story at a later date another man must give you a mancard in recognition of the manliness, if this does not happen that man card is not effective.
3. Mancards may be taken at ANY time by ANY man for acts that a real man should be ashamed of, regret, or simply make them less of a man.
a. Taking a mancard can be for any of the following reasons, however, other reasons may be added to this list if situations call for it:
i. Ditching friends. Especially if it is to do something girly over something manly when doing so will not cause you to gain any form of physical relations.
1. Example being, not going to a UFC fight with your guy friends and deciding to go see a chick flick (i.e. High School Musical 3) with girls that you are not dating nor provide an opportunity to gain physical interaction with any of the girls.
ii. Making a stupid comment involving high school gossip, or any other overtly gay topic of which no man should ever speak.
iii. Quoting movies, songs, or any other media, when such media is deemed girly, gay, stupid, or otherwise unmanly by the majority of mancard holding men (Exceptions made when such comment or quote is used in ridicule or otherwise demeaning the media being quoted). Examples being:
1. Nickleback
2. 3oh3
3. The Notebook
4. Fall Out Boy
5. Creed
6. Cosmo
7. Any “E!” “Oxygen” or “Lifetime” television show.
iv. Treating any woman, child, or person that looks to you as a role model/elder with disrespect or in a manner unbecoming of a gentleman.
1. This one may be excused in such a time as it is in a joking manner such as sarcasm AND when the person is a good friend or family and understands that the disrespect is not meant seriously.
v. Other reasons deemed unworthy of holding a mancard by other men with mancards.
4. A mancard may be permanently revoked in such a situation that brings irrevocable shame or guilt on the man in that he no longer deserves respect by other men. Such a case is to be determined by no less than four (4) other men so as not to single someone out due to a biased opinion. A permanent revoking of any and all mancards may happen in one of the following OR equally as devastating situations:
a. Battery on a woman or child. No man should EVER strike a woman or child with intent to harm, humiliate, injure, or otherwise cause damage to their physical or mental state.
i. Joking “love taps” or otherwise non-injuring or harmful “play hitting” is not a cause for permanent revocation.
b. Acting in a SERIOUS racist or sexist manner. Small leeway is allowed in this rule in regards to joking with a crowd that understands you are joking and in that you acknowledge that you mean nothing from it. Any blatant racism or sexism in which the man is serious and has actual racist or sexist beliefs is grounds for a permanent revocation.
5. Women may on RARE occasions receive mancards for extraordinary acts of manliness or otherwise for which a man recognizes this and deems it appropriate. Women who receive mancards are of the highest quality of women and should be treated with the utmost respect, these are women that are able to hang with the guys and hold their own and not get “girly” when the men want to do manly things. Some examples of occasions that call for a woman to receive a mancard include:
a. Going to the gun range and showing knowledge of the guns and firing properly without hesitation or help.
i. Without help does no mean someone can’t show her how to fire but after learning she must return on another date and fire without help using the knowledge she gained previously.
b. Beating a video game deemed manly OR successfully defeating an experienced player in a multiplayer match.
i. Multiple matches required so as to not give a mancard for a lucky win. Minimum of five (5) wins OR three (3) consecutive wins. Either the five or three wins must all be achieved in a single gaming session.
ii. Boyfriends or significant others are not allowed to give this mancard as they may be inclined to “let her win” to give her a mancard. Exception to the rule may be accepted if the woman is withholding physical relations; however, this must be approved by another man before her mancard is accepted.
c. Showing ample knowledge and interest of a manly professional sport. Included sports may be: UFC, Football, Hockey, etc. Excluded sports include: Tennis, Golf, Curling, etc.
d. Out eating a man at an all you can eat buffet OR with wings, ribs, or otherwise deemed manly foods.
6. Men with mancards shall always respect each other as a mancard is a sign of being manly and no man that is not worthy of respect shall have one.
Getting a Mancard:
"I'm on my way home from shooting my new shotgun, I'm gonna go beat Halo 3 on Legendary solo now."
"I'm gonna give you two mancards for that one."
Revoking a Mancard:
(singing) "I'm a vegetarian and I'm not fucking scared of him"
"I should revoke all your mancards for that."
"I'm on my way home from shooting my new shotgun, I'm gonna go beat Halo 3 on Legendary solo now."
"I'm gonna give you two mancards for that one."
Revoking a Mancard:
(singing) "I'm a vegetarian and I'm not fucking scared of him"
"I should revoke all your mancards for that."
by FBCDN September 4, 2009
Get the mancards mug.My lord and savior. The ideas behind his music point to the only meaningful religion in this world, the faith of your soul. I'm not talking about Christianity either.
I think I'd crap my pants if I had to talk to Maynard James Keenan face-to-face. I mean what the fuck do you say to someone like that? Nice hair?
by Dan May 13, 2005
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• Maynarding
Maynard is one of the most talented people ever. He is the lead singer of Tool and A Perfect Circle. If you don't know Maynard, then you're stupid.
by Alex January 6, 2005
Get the Maynard James Keenan mug.A dude who likes making music and is-if judging on musical standards and not personal bias-pretty damn good at it. In my personal opinion a great screamer, but that's not for everybody. Come on folks, shut the fuck up about him being a "god". If you actually got any of his music you'd realize he's just dicking around when he acts like he has an ego because existence itself doesn't matter at all and he knows that, so why not let your anger and other demons out in a song so you can move on with your day?
In other words? Stop being that dude who listens to Sober and goes "This song is about me and my girlfriend. -Sob.-" No, no it's not.
Oh and by the way, kudos to someone for finally writing a song telling fans who rag on their band to fuck off. If you actually listen to Hooker With A Penis, it's directed at fans who are like "ONGZ THIS SOUNDS TOO MAINSTREAM!" and the fact that they support the mainstream just by listening to Tool because you're still giving money to record companies run by corporate fatcats, thus creating awful hypocrisy.
In other words? Stop being that dude who listens to Sober and goes "This song is about me and my girlfriend. -Sob.-" No, no it's not.
Oh and by the way, kudos to someone for finally writing a song telling fans who rag on their band to fuck off. If you actually listen to Hooker With A Penis, it's directed at fans who are like "ONGZ THIS SOUNDS TOO MAINSTREAM!" and the fact that they support the mainstream just by listening to Tool because you're still giving money to record companies run by corporate fatcats, thus creating awful hypocrisy.
Tool (ironic): Oh my god, Maynard James Keenan is such a god, I wanna fuck him all night long cuz he's like so hot and relates to me so much. Listen to Sober! It's such a great song for when you're feeling bummed after a breakup.
Non-tool: ...I think maybe you're just retarded and don't get it. Like, anything about life. At all. I don't even know why someone would bother trying to explain this on Urban Dictionary.
Non-tool: ...I think maybe you're just retarded and don't get it. Like, anything about life. At all. I don't even know why someone would bother trying to explain this on Urban Dictionary.
by DoesItReallyMatterSeriously January 7, 2010
Get the Maynard James Keenan mug.A saying from an old Malt-O-Meal commercial. When used to describe delicious, satisfying food, it has the potential to embarrass everyone who has to hear it.
by Double44 November 22, 2011
Get the Good stuff, Maynard! mug.KATE MAYNARD IS A FUCKING GODESS! She can beat you to death in a milisecond and she is THICCCC! She is kind in every way but DO NOT GO TO HER DARK SIDE! She hates friends that pretend to be insecure and say stuff like "oh i know you hate me blah blah blah" to make her feel bad. DONT LOSE HER IF SHE IS YOUR FRIEND! But do not mess with her. She can get physco..but she is a goddess and the best person that you could have in your life. SHE IS A BADDASS
Jakoby: "Hey you know that girl Kate Maynard?"
Chris: "Oh yea! She is a BADASS! The best person EVER!"
Chris: "Oh yea! She is a BADASS! The best person EVER!"
by summer.maii December 10, 2019
Get the Kate Maynard mug.he is such a minyard
by Codee Ingram April 6, 2008
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