Chapter Delay

Occurs while taking a shit, when by all necessary definitions you have completed your task, but want remain on the bowl to finish the current chapter of the book/newspaper/novel you are reading. Usually last between 2-5 minutes.

Most common in suspense novels and other mysteries.

Roommate 1- "You almost ready dude, we're gunna be late. First pitch is in 20 minutes."
Roommate 2- "Yeah man hold on, quick pre-game dump."

*10 minutes later*

Roommate 2- "Alright let's go"
Roommate 1- "WTF man, you said quick."
Roommate 2- "Didn't account for the chapter delay. That Dan Brown is amazing."

by Derik September 26, 2005

Delayed Morning Wood Syndrome

Delayed Morning Wood Syndrome (DMWS) is an erection of the male genitalia that would normally occur after one wakes up, but is heavily delayed and occurs at a later time in the morning. 3 in 5 men are affected by this syndrome on a day to day basis. This generally gives the male extreme discomfort, as they try to hide it from others.

(Sitting on the bus, looking down) Shit, I got Delayed Morning Wood Syndrome!

(Walking down street, looks down) Damn it! DMWS again!

Friend 1: Come on! Erected in the morning?
You: Sorry, it's DMWS.

by MaxNrg November 30, 2010

Tom Delay

Suspect in an U.S. Army Criminal Investigation Command(CID) probe into loan sharking, cash-for-title, and sleazy collection agency fraud that had been feasting on and victimizing U.S. Army soldiers around Texas army installations, most notably Fort Hood. Keynote speaker for cash-for-title industry, and perrenial consumer of their lobbying dollars. Former legislative champion for bottom-feeder predatory industries. Resigned when indicted in Texas for unrelated tomfoolery.

He cares about her about as much as Tom Delay gives a shit if a soldier gets his car repoed while risking his life in Iraq over a $200 loan. What a turd.

by huronking March 22, 2009

Machiavellian delay

A conscious delay in response for the purpose of not appearing too overly eager to respond.

"I reject the concept of a Machiavellian delay. I think social networking has made this tactic transparent. The new ethic is authenticity, which lends itself to fluid communication."

by shadyladyk March 6, 2010

Heartbreak Delay

When your heart was broken my someone you're madly in love with but you don't feel the pain until well after the date-of-break. You usually feel ok and undepressed for anytime from a day to a week; usually because you try to put on a macho, "I don't need you" facad. Then after the set time your emotions get the best of you and you start to expirence the natural symptoms of heartbreak. Sometimes they could get worse than usual.

(saturday)
Guy 1: Hey man, I heard you and Amanda broke up. You okay?
Guy 2: Yeah dude I'm fine. I didn't need her anyway. She wasn't even all that.

(6 days later)
Guy 1: Hey man look, it's Amanda.
Guy 2: Don't remind me.... *walks away*
Amanda: What's his problem?
Guy 1: Oh he just has heartbreak delay.

by toxinalive August 4, 2010

delayziness

When you're late to a meeting because your lazy.
Delay+layziness = delayziness

Guy: Why didn't you come when we agreed?
Girl: My delayziness got the better of me.

by Delaziness November 19, 2014

delayed conversationalism

A rare disease causing people to constantly be one sentence behind in conversation without realizing it.

That guy with delayed conversationalism always ruins social gatherings, because he will accidentally insult people to their faces.

by Frank Hagglemann August 1, 2016