Skip to main content

david beckham

Overrated (beyond belief) player with more limitations than you can shake a stick at, but for some reason Sven Goran Eriksson believes he is perfect material for the England captaincy. This ignores the fact he's NEVER captained a team, even at schoolboy level, and believes being England captain means you're supposed to take penalties, no matter how far over the bar they regularly go.

Used to be famous for being married to Posh Spice, but now it's the other way 'round. Now he's famous for shagging women that aren't Posh Spice, giving his children names that ensure years of bullying, and being gnerally useless on the pitch - if and when he gets on it when you consider his standing at Real Madrid.
Any time he's on the front page of the tabloids/Hello for being famous, as opposed to demonstrating any form of footballing ability WHATSOEVER.
by OD Smith March 31, 2005
mugGet the david beckham mug.

Beckham Depression

The tragic look on someone's face when they have been let down by someone else and fall into a spiral of unhappy emotions which often leads to a depressed look.
A: That guy at that table over there looks seriously upset.
B: He's probably been stood up and is facing Beckham Depression.

A: That man's gun accidentally went off and shot someone in the face. He's facing a life sentence and has been clinically diagnosed with Beckham Depression.
by xAJBx June 24, 2010
mugGet the Beckham Depression mug.

Beckham (UK only)

a ponce that cries if accidents happen and he can't get an apology
football, the boss in a rage over a lost game kicks a loose football boot, this hits the said Beckham on the noggin, he cries and demands an apology or he walks (and takes his ball with him)
by mickturate February 19, 2003
mugGet the Beckham (UK only) mug.

Bend it like Beckham

When a hermaphrodite has sex with itself.
I'm gonna go up to my room and bend it like Beckham.
by aggfdsgdsn July 31, 2007
mugGet the Bend it like Beckham mug.

The David Beckham Syndrome

Guys who are VERY attractive, sexy, hot, fine, very fuckable... Like damn why is he so good looking... and then you hear the voice.. and say OH SHIT he has the David Beckham Syndrome.

In case you live under a rock and don't know who David Beckham is... well let's just say you need to take a look at that sexy fine piece of ass yourself; under google images... and then listen to his voice on youtube.

See the problem with this Syndrome is... that these guys are SO fucking perfect but then... that voice.. It's SO fucking unmanly and sounds like a little 7 year old school boy. It's so wrong and such a turn off. But why are they so sexyy.. and then you question yourself if you should find another man or continue with the David Beckham Syndrome man like Victoria Beckham chose to.. :(

Now if you're a guy with this problem... we suggest you never speak.. or you better have money and lots of it, like David Beckham ;)
Some fine sexy ass of man approaches you at a club.. you start dancing.. thinking damn he's so fine.. and then after the song is over or you decide to talk.. you hear the voice.. and in your head you're like FUCK he has the David Beckham Syndrome.
by Very concerned girls!!!!! January 1, 2010
mugGet the The David Beckham Syndrome mug.

David Beckham

Many claims that Beckham is nothing but the most over-rated player in the world. He is also considered to be one of the best, if not the best, of literal existance of the phenomena described in fairy tail writer Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tale The Emperor's new clothes

In fact he is the most overrated combination of molecules in the entire universe since the dawn of time.

During his career at Manchester United and Real Madrid he typically played offensive right wing. Now you may wonder what I mean by offensive? Well I mainly mean that he was too undisciplined to have enough defensive awareness to be considered a pure midfielder as he spent to much energy during most games checking out his hair and making cross balls into often empty penalty fields that he had little or no time to aid the defense.

David Beckham was at his peak in the late 90s and was fortunate enough to win the champions league win Mancherster United in 1999.

His most famous skill is his free-kicks. Some claim that he is the best free kick taker ever. However most of those people claiming that are usually british, scandinavians (where many consider english football holy), gay, slave for fashion, Manchetser United supporters, underdeveloped Japanese School Girls or all of these at the same time (imagine that ;))

Although it's no doubt that Beckham scored a lot of goals on free-kicks and some of them was really nice, he dwarfs when you compare him to often less famous players who instead of putting all their energy in shagging thin actors that can't sing or naming his kids weird names just make sure that they will get bullied at school, actually commit themselves to make their free kicks perfect. Here are some of the players that if you look into the number of free-kick effectiveness and especially propensity to score in important games make Beckham dwarf.

Juninho Pernambucano(Brazil and Lyon,France)
Andrea Pirlo (Italy and AC Milan, Italy)
Shunsuke Nakamura (Japan and Celtic, Scotland)
Sinisa Mihajlovic (Serbia and Internazionale Milano, Italy (assisting coach))
Ronaldinho (Brazil and Barcelona, Spain)
Zinedine Zidane (France and retired)*
Pierre van Hooijdonk (Netherlands)

* Zinedine Zidane should be considered a better free kick shooter than Beckham because he very very often took very important free kicks and usually scored on them, although he may not have been as consistent as Beckham.

This is David Beckham's worst skill, important games. It's true that he had some assist for England during his matches, but 80-90% of these were a result of corner kicks, free kicks or actually simply more or less incorrectly credited to him as part of the Media's the Emperor's new clothes phenomena.

Whenever there is a big game coming up, rest asure that Beckham will usually decrease his skill and play outright poor. He is the worst penalty taker in the history of English National Football, but normally it's actually not his fault, but some turf on the pitch that suddenly appeared from nowhere and made him slip (yeah right).

Additional speculations:

Some speculate in that the media circus and Beckham's pathetic attitude affected Alan Shearer's decision to end his national team football career early and instead focus on Newcastle United. Alan Shearer was the Brett Favre of English football and disliked player hype, idolization of players and media's growing off-pitch focus.
Did Real Madrid win last night? No they lost, because they let the commercial sponsor machine without any skill, David Beckham, play in order to satisfy sponsors.

David Beckham's penaly miss against Portugal in 2004 went so high in the air that he got sued by NASA for Space inteference!

Look at Steven Gerrard how sweaty and tired he is (English national midfielder). Well that's not weird since he has to work 33% more back in defense since he is playing on the same midfield as Beckham, who couldn't care less about Defensive awareness.

David Beckham is a scary example of how blind commercial hype can make most people.

Many say that Real Madrid sold their soul, when they sold Makelele and bought Beckham for much more money. A move that had a negative effect on the playing field but an enormous positive effect on their financial gains.
by Hejdaniel January 10, 2008
mugGet the David Beckham mug.

David Beckham

A pointless celebrity in America, but a soccer player to the rest of the world.
The only David Beckham fans in America are girls who want to have sex with him and probably can't even name what team he plays on.
by Eaglesman February 20, 2009
mugGet the David Beckham mug.

Share this definition

Sign in to vote

We'll email you a link to sign in instantly.

Or

Check your email

We sent a link to

Open your email