never laid a hand on me

A "total-opposite-meanings possibilities" statement --- i.e., one dat can either be a complIMENT or a complAINT, depending on da status of da referred-to person.

If you're under investigation for possibly being physically abusive and/or inappropriate, then having someone say, "He never laid a hand on me" can be a welcome statement, indeed, since it indicates dat you did nothing wrong. However, if you're a masseuse who's accused of non-performance of services, then you might very decidedly NOT want someone to claim dat you were "standoffish wif yer fingers", since in dat case you were **supposed** to "get all touchy-feely" wif your client's warm sumptuous flesh!

by QuacksO March 5, 2023

Edward Jizzard Hands

When a man has sex with his woman, pulls out, and proceeds to ejaculate into his hands.

I was a real Edward Jizzard Hands last night, my sister-in-law caught me red handed

by Jizz hands October 18, 2017

Beer-handed

Caught in the act of buying beer; either underage, or at an inappropriate time, ie during work hours.

I see your 'rents caught you beer-handed!!
My boss caught me beer-handed after lunch at the pub!!

by anGelo68 May 25, 2016

Meth Hands

When you’re getting scratched, but it feels like your skin is bubbling like you’re on meth.

Yo, she was scratching me, but I think she had meth hands.
Dude! She seriously has meth hands. My skin felt like it was boiling from smoking meth while she scratched me!

by Stranglemyer February 27, 2020

Hand Beef

Male masturbation

Hey dude what are you doing?
" I'm gonna go back to my room and get me some hand beef"

by TdogNite July 24, 2015

babies and hand grenades

Something happening that is fucking nuts

Holy fuck, it's like babies and hand grenades in here

by Assman 7.5 December 31, 2017

hershey hands

When someone doesn't wash their hands after they poop, leaving feces in between their nails and embedded in their cuticles.

Watch out when Grandma pinches your cheeks.

Can also be used as a nick name. Example: Grandma Hershey Hands

I wouldn't eat that dip if I were you. Grandma double dipped and she's got Hershey Hands.

Oh no, Grandma Hershey hands is eating my fries!

by LittleVirus489 January 30, 2023