Paternity Test

1) - DNA test using several methods which can determine the biological parent(s) of a person. Most common methods are urine and/or blood samples, or swabbing the mouth and ears of a subject.

2) - The topic appearing on the Maury Show 3-4 days per week.

3) - What no man who had a one night stand wants to have to take.

1) - "This paternity test will determine if John is your long-lost father."

2) - See you are the father and you are not the father.

3) - Jamal- "Oh shit, I gots to take dis paternity test. I hope I ain' da father of Latrelle's nasty ass baby!"

by ACG2x October 13, 2004

bannister test

A test to prove if the stories about oriental women being "cut the wrong way" down below is true.

An oriental woman is enticed to remove her panties and slide down a bannister, whilst an indepentant witness listens out for the tell tale 'flubberlubberlubberlubber' noise made by friction rubbing against the oriental woman's sideways cut pussy.

Any non-oriental woman performing the same test will result in a smooth, friction free and silent ride to the bottom of the stairs.

Oli: "Jenny, would you mind performing the bannister test? I want to know if the stories are true..."

Jenny: "Sure thing"

Jenny removes her pants, hops on the bannister and starts to slide... 'flubberlubberlubberlubber'

Oli: "I knew it!"

by Johnny Smartypants August 28, 2008

lemon test

To test a woman you just met for STDs, when you are about to go at it, slide a freshly cut lemon wedge across her coochie. If she screams, she has some funk.

She kicked me out of bed when I slipped her the lemon test.

by etymxris March 31, 2005

test tube baby

A test tube baby was conceived by artificial means, by introducing the sperm and egg to each other outside the body. The zygote is then implanted into the future mother's womb.

Test tube babies are NOT born in test tubes. Not yet, anyway.

Jill had a very hard time getting pregnant, so she decided to try having a test tube baby.

by Athene Airheart March 21, 2004

Lemon test

The process of checking to see if the girl you are about to get it on with has any STDs (open sores). While making out, secretly apply some lemon juice to your fingers (you don't actually use a lemon wedge morons) and then rub/insert said fingers into her "warm and fuzzy area". If she begins to scream, cringe, or show pain in any way chances are she has open sores and most likely an STD.

When Jojo was making out with Becky he secretly dabbed his fingers in some lemon juice and gave her the lemon test. When she started to complain about it burning he knew she had the funk!

by Firesole03 December 11, 2011

Drivers Test

The hardest Test ever invented. Truly, what is the point? The DMV people will fail you no matter what. 70% of the people i know have failed it at least once, maybe twice if they are actually good drivers. Best advice? Try not to show weakness.... they can sniff out fear.

DMV person: "Pull over when you get the chance."
person taking drivers test: "Okay"
DMV person: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING! I TOLD YOU TO PULL OVER! PULL OVER RIGHT NOW!" *shakes head*
person taking drivers test: "Oh... shit.. wait, shoot! I'm sorry! Let me just..."
DMV person: "OH MY GOSH! YOU ALMOST HIT THAT CAR! WHY ARE YOU PULLING OVER!"
person taking drivers test: "well... i obviously just failed... can we just go back to the DMV now?"

by stilldonthavemylicences February 24, 2011

ruler test

A test used in 19th middle and upper class Black communities to decide of a black American was sufficiently white enough to warrant inclusion. The idea is that your hair should be as straight as a ruler. Today the practice is not rightly condemned as "colorism" but is not altogether abandoned. See also brown paper bag test

"Don't go swimming or you won't be able to pass the ruler test when you meet your date's parent's tonight."

by Bill Peters August 19, 2006