Hank Boontz

The largest lumberjack, this side of the Mississippi. He can wrestle 3 bears with one hand behind is back.

Hank hasn't spoken to his children in over 15 years. He doesn't pay child support.

Hank lives in a cabin in North Minnesota, where he lives with four squirrels. There were originally 5, but there was a fatality, during a thumb wrestling match. Rest In Peace, poor Billy.

Hank has a robust collection of flannel shirts. Used to model for Black and Decker.

Member of the Dean Koontz Family Tree.

Squirrel 1: Hank Boontz, don't do it!

Hank: He shouldn't of disrespected me.

Squirrel 2: Hank, I don't think he knew that was your wife's closet.

Squirrel 5: I'm sorry! I won't do it again!

Hank: Challenge me to a thumb wrestling match for your life.

Splonald, from out of the corner: Did you guys remember to pick up cheese?

Squirrel 4: Yea, I got it.

Splonald: Thanks. *relinquishes back to the corner*

Squirrel 5: Tell your wife those acorns aren't for her. And those were the only nuts I was talking about busting in your wife's closet.

Hank after landing the final blow on Squirrel 5: Well shit, this is awkward.

Squirrel 3: THAT'S A LOT OF NUTS!

by Hank Boontz May 05, 2021

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tom hanks spanky dank

when ur masturbating and thinking of forrest gump running into ur anus

dude i had an amazing orgasm when i was tom hanks spanky dank'in you should try and and if you dont

billiards

by voodles1 September 17, 2018

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Spanks Hank

The modern term created for thank you. It was created by an Oregon Insurance Agent who created a typo in an email to another agent but birthed a new word. The spanks hank. You smack it in the end of your email when you want to say thank you but hit your recipient with a confusion.

Hi Mark, I received for the documents.
Spanks hank.

by Turbulentcucumber August 04, 2022

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