Kelp Dick

The affliction of spending too much time boogie boarding, or sea activities until it inflicts you with a case of kelp in or on your genitalia. Whilst looking and smelling horrible, it somehow fascinates the females of the species.

Tobes: Migs, come on man - stop surfing we've got to go hit the bar for TSBs!!
Migs: Nah man, chicks will dig my Kelp Dick ! Give us ten minutes

by MickeyDangerous May 29, 2009

california kelp forest

When a woman does not wash her genitals for an extended period of time, which causes her pubes to become matted, resembling long strands of kelp. It will likely cause the smell to resemble a trash-riddled kelp forest.

I went home with Trashy Tracy™ last night when when I got hammered. She had the nastiest California Kelp Forest, even worse than Nasty Natalie™

by Ritapopper12 January 09, 2018

Put Down the Kelp

Means stop sucking dick. In spongebob, theres an episode where the krusty krab sells Kelp drinks and it shows spongebob slurping on the straw, so it means stop slurping on dick.

Matthew: "Oh my god Nathan, you have the best handles and the best shot in basketball and youre really good."
Nathan: "Thanks?"
Nick: "Put down the kelp matthew, jheeez"

by fumastyle November 05, 2017

Not If I Can Kelp It Burger

An admittedly unusual, special Bob's Burgers burger that features kelp

"Hey Bob, what's the burger of the day?" "It's the Not If I Can Kelp It Burger, you should try it!"

by America Lover 🇺🇸 November 17, 2018

dirty kelp

when you masturbate using a pocket pussy made out of Lego in the shape of George Floyed.

He's doing a Dirty kelp in the playground

by bigblackgeorge March 19, 2023

KELP YOUR ASS

To make someone’s ass so wet it remind you of underwater cabbage

“I wanna kelp your ass so bad tonight” said Tom

by Deifiner111426 February 09, 2021

Kelp

A godly item, only used by the alpha males.
The more stacks of kelp you have, the more godly you are.

Kelp God

by KspeelMinecraft April 04, 2021