The most scientific scale known to man for rating the desired mouth-to-phallus ratio during the practice of oral sex. On one end of the spectrum, we have Bernadette Peters with a diminutive mouth. We'll assign her oral cavity a value of .99 carollas (unit of measurement named after Adam Carolla, a pioneer in the field of Phallometry, whose Water-Displacement Method is now the standard throughout the Penile Sciences). Multiplying this value by the average human penis size (100 carollas) yields a Carolla Psychological Satisfaction (or C.P.S.) score of 99 aces (as in, "That's just aces!"). On the other end of the spectrum, we have the less desirable orifice of Sandra Bernhard measuring .01 carollas. Once again, multiplying this value by 100 yields a score of 1 ace. This indicates that the experience of inserting the male member into Bernhard's mammoth mouth for the purpose of fellatio, while perhaps physically pleasurable, is overshadowed by the pride-shattering effects.
Monica Lewinsky: Hey, Bill, you want a BJ?
President Clinton: (covers mouthpiece of the phone he's holding) Monica, I'm on the phone with a Congressman. Sorry about that sir. (inaudible chatter from phone) Yeah, just some intern I'm banging. About a 7. But you should see the mouth on her. (more inaudible chatter) What's the Bernadette-Bernhard scale? (more chatter) Adam who? Oh, I love Birchum.
Monica Lewinsky: Bill, I'm wearing that blue dress you like.
President Clinton: Congressman, I've gotta go. But you've sure given me something to think about. Maybe I'll just work her over with a cigar.
Morgan Freeman Narrator: But he didn't. Well he did. But he also got oral. Completely rejecting the principles of the Bernadette-Bernhard scale. Two things were lost that day: America's innocence, and the confidence of the pretty well-endowed Leader of the Free World. It just goes to show you, some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are too bright. But in such a massive cage, who can see a bird anyway? Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on.
President Clinton: (covers mouthpiece of the phone he's holding) Monica, I'm on the phone with a Congressman. Sorry about that sir. (inaudible chatter from phone) Yeah, just some intern I'm banging. About a 7. But you should see the mouth on her. (more inaudible chatter) What's the Bernadette-Bernhard scale? (more chatter) Adam who? Oh, I love Birchum.
Monica Lewinsky: Bill, I'm wearing that blue dress you like.
President Clinton: Congressman, I've gotta go. But you've sure given me something to think about. Maybe I'll just work her over with a cigar.
Morgan Freeman Narrator: But he didn't. Well he did. But he also got oral. Completely rejecting the principles of the Bernadette-Bernhard scale. Two things were lost that day: America's innocence, and the confidence of the pretty well-endowed Leader of the Free World. It just goes to show you, some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are too bright. But in such a massive cage, who can see a bird anyway? Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on.
by griffin_t_a September 25, 2014
Get the Bernadette-Bernhard scale mug.The greatest NASCAR driver of all time. Who died doing what he loved to do. A competor on the track, and a father, husband, friend off the track. an actual athlete (unlike what some other people say) see NASCAR Driver
by dalejr237 June 26, 2005
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A person that is not able to reach their full potential because their step mom is constantly interfering with their life in a negative way.
This has nothing to do with Dale Earnhardt Jr personally, he was just a victim of circumstances, of having a step mom that only messes things up.
This has nothing to do with Dale Earnhardt Jr personally, he was just a victim of circumstances, of having a step mom that only messes things up.
Real life- Dale Earnhardt Jr. is far better off on his new team now that he doesnt have to deal with his step mom Teresa Earnhardt.
In context- You cant be at the top of your game if you have Dale Earnhardt Jr. Syndrome.
Once you are relieved of Dale Earnhardt Jr. Syndrome, you will achieve great things.
Step parents should be outlawed and banned to help prevent Dale Earnhardt Jr. Syndrome.
In context- You cant be at the top of your game if you have Dale Earnhardt Jr. Syndrome.
Once you are relieved of Dale Earnhardt Jr. Syndrome, you will achieve great things.
Step parents should be outlawed and banned to help prevent Dale Earnhardt Jr. Syndrome.
by vitamin waterz March 4, 2009
Get the Dale Earnhardt Jr. Syndrome mug.An extremely sonorous and prolongated release of air from the anal passage. In general, people of over 50 years of age are considered capable of achieving the resonance to achieve such a feat.
In the shower, a sound loud enough to drown out the sound of the showerhead and lasting at least ten seconds.
by John December 2, 2003
Get the barnfart mug.1.) An overhyped douche who hosts a Morning Show on a Minneapolis classic rock station. Has neo-con POVs yet is an Atheist, causing him to have a lot of self issues. For some reason Twin Citians like to listen to his Liberal bashing bile even though Minnesota has been wisely a blue state for the past 30+ years. In 2000, the funny voice guy, Tony Lee, left the show, thus causing Barnyard's show to be even less funny, with "comedy" bits that geared more towards Fascist propaganda.
2.) To be really rich and wish that all poor people be deported so you don't have to give to charity.
3.) To be a pig (physically or metaphoricaly) and still be popullar.
2.) To be really rich and wish that all poor people be deported so you don't have to give to charity.
3.) To be a pig (physically or metaphoricaly) and still be popullar.
1.) Tom Beranard said on the radio today that we should vote for Huckabee, than declared that god doesn't exist. After that he went on a rant about how poor people should be kicked out of clinics if they don't have insurance so he wouldn't have to wait so long for his appointment, because he more important.
2.) George Steinbreiner pulled a Tom Barnard at church when the collection plate came to him, and he dumped all the money down his shirt.
3.) Quit being such a Tom Barnard and learn that people with other skin colors, and sexual preferences are human too. And for Pete's sake start working out, you look like a Tom Barnard.
2.) George Steinbreiner pulled a Tom Barnard at church when the collection plate came to him, and he dumped all the money down his shirt.
3.) Quit being such a Tom Barnard and learn that people with other skin colors, and sexual preferences are human too. And for Pete's sake start working out, you look like a Tom Barnard.
by Patriotic Leftie January 28, 2008
Get the Tom Barnard mug.by BarkingMonkey May 26, 2020
Get the Barnard Castle mug.When you have sex with a girl in a car and you pullout, nut on her face, take her clothes then run, leaving her naked.
by Andrew Neil November 15, 2018
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