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wanker

UK/Aus/NZ slang for:

1. Someone excessively and annoyingly pretentious and/or false, with a strong likelihood of working in the creative industries, especially "new media". Very high populations of wankers are to be found in certain areas of London including Shoreditch and Hoxton; see also Shoreditch twat.

2. Someone with a faintly sociopathic lack of regard for other people; see also arsehole.

3. Someone useless, inefficient or time-wasting, especially in a place or work and/or position of responsibility.

4. A general term of abuse.

5. Someone who masturbates.
1. He spent twenty minutes telling me about the studio's new pathways they're developing in innovative synergistic blue-sky-media treatment concepts. In a fake Cockney-geezer accent. What a fucking wanker.

2. That cunt in the sports car just totally cut me up. What a fucking wanker.

3. He's being paid £25/hour and he just sits there playing Freecell whilst the rest of us do all his work for him, because he's the boss's mate. What a fucking wanker.

4. You're a fucking wanker.

5. You're a fucking wanker.
by snootful October 10, 2012
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wankerfile

A guy who is a wanker and a paedophile. Not someone you would want to go near!!
He is such a wankerfile
by Ur nans mum October 26, 2017
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Food Wanker

A person who is convinced their way of eating provides their body with the best nutrients to keep them healthy. They can usually be found in health food stores bragging about their superfood quinoa, chia seed muffins that are sugar, dairy, wheat, soy and preservative free. You will need to give them a run down of every ingredient in everything you cook for them. They've done the Whole30 more then once, and dream about Rob Wolf & Kris Kresser. They are passionate about food and take it upon themselves to bore others with mini rants about how fat doesnt make them fat and the 'SAD Western Diet' is killing them.
Emily: Lets just order in some pizzas when Mel gets here
Tilly: Nah we can't, Mels a food wanker, she wont eat it.
by MelV September 5, 2013
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a dinky die ridgy didge true blue fair dinkum dead set wanker

Geoff - "How would you describe an Aussie?"
Frank - "a dinky die ridgy didge true blue fair dinkum dead set wanker"
by AGuyThatPostsStuff April 12, 2014
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Hashtag wanker

Someone who continually uses a "#" before the majority of words that they type on a social networking site.
"#awesome #new #haircut"
"Hashtag wanker."
by Melissage February 1, 2013
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wanker's cramp

British slang:
To wank is slang for masturbating, usually understood to be carried out on a man by someone of either sex.

Wanker's cramp is laughingly used to describe any hand pain, with the understood meaning that the person with the pain often masturbates.
You say your hand hurts. You must have wanker's cramp.
by soreofhing July 6, 2009
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wankend

a weekend spent alone, the spare time is used primarily to masturbate.
Fellow: What are you doing this weekend.

Fellow 2: I've got to look after my mum, she's ill.

Fellow: having another wankend.

Fellow 2: i came out last week.
by Ted Bailey July 8, 2009
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