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Tits on bacon

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Worthless, or good for anything. And object or item with no purpose or use.
"Fuckin Jeff! He's about as useful as tits on bacon!"
by El Hefe 13 January 6, 2016
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Thing that completely and utterly sucks in life. You feel like total shit when you refer to something as tits on a burning tit rod. You never feel worse than when when you say this. It's the worse possible scenario. When someone says "tits on a burning tit rod" it obviously means you fucked some major shit up that needs to be fixed!
Tits on a burning tit rod, i fucked up so much shit I don't know what to do!
by Tits2622 December 6, 2009
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This phase is always used when an extremely choice, unexpected turn of events occurs. It can be used in a quiet dry humorous manner as well an exclamatory manner.

This phase is meant to impress upon listeners the emotion invoked when a college age frat boy turns and in an amazingly good stroke of luck, is unexpectedly face first in the motorboat position with an attractive pair of breasts.

It is important to be remember that in this situation one must never be over eager lest one appear to be uncool, or let on how excited one really is so as not to frighten or "perv out" the female involved. The phase must be spoken in this same manner or the speaker will sound idiotic.

Note: this is never used in the presence of one's mother. She will slap you.
Ed: "Dude, I was walking down campus and found a $100.00 bill."

Alex: "Tits on your face."

Example 2:

Alex thinks there is no beer left in the house. Alex opens the refrigerator and slides the one bottle of catchup to the left and sees a beer that has been hidden perfectly by the catchup.

Alex: (to himself) "Tits on your face."

Example 3:

Charles: "Nick Swardson is doing stand up tonight!"
Alex: "Tits on your face."
Alex's Mother: SLAP
by bikejunky February 17, 2010
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tits on a bull

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Used as an epresion of uselessness.
Goddamn It John, your wife gives some killer cone, other than that shes as useless as tits on a bull fuck.
by bt February 27, 2003
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tits on a salamander

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When she be smacking those lips like she's got them, but just salamander tits
Dumb hole thinking she all that but just tits on a salamander
by Elmer creek February 21, 2021
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