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Teaspoon Rule

A theorem used to determine if one has crapped himself. The rule is as follows: if a person farts, and something comes out (also known as a shart), if the resultant mass adds up to less to a teaspoon. If its adds up to more, than one has crapped his pants.
1:
P1: So I thought I crapped myself yesterday, but luckily it didn’t count under the teaspoon rule.

2.
“If you fart, and something comes out, and the stuff is less than a teaspoon, it counts as a fart. But, if it’s more than a teaspoon, then congratulations, you just s*** yourself.”

-Hannes Van Dahl, drummer for Sabaton
by ApolloJustice0713 March 23, 2022
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John Lewis Teaspoon

The term to "John Lewis Teaspoon" someone is to go and purchase a brand new sparkly teaspoon from the local John Lewis store.
The spoon can only be purchased from a John Lewis store and cannot be from any other store.
Once purchased the purchaser uses the teaspoon to remove one eye from the targeted person using only the spoon. After the eye has been removed and only the socket remains, the person with the tea spoon has intercourse with the eye socket of the person lacking the eye.
Person 1 "Glen is such a pain in the arse"

Person 2 " Yeah, if he keeps it up I'm gonna John Lewis Teaspoon him"

Or

Person 1 "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO! IM GONNA JOHN LEWIS TEASPOON THE CRAP OUT OF YOU"

Person 2 "EEEEEK"
by 969-696 February 19, 2024
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