The highest possible state of existence that a human can achieve, just short of full godhood. To reach Excelsior is to ascend beyond mere mortals, leaving behind weakness, fear, and any trace of emotional fragility. Only a handful of men have ever reached true Excelsior, and those who did no longer need introductions.
“I tried therapy, meditation, and yoga, but nothing worked until I did Excelsior. Now, my own shadow fears me.”
by Ron and Baxter Burgundy March 2, 2025
Get the Excelsior mug.A brutal self-improvement program designed to obliterate weakness, eradicate excuses, and forcibly reconstruct men from broken, pathetic husks into unstoppable war machines. Originally created by Darius Tungsten-Carbide, a man so powerful that his mere existence gave birth to Australia’s dangerous wildlife (snakes? Spiders? Drop bears? All weak creatures that tried and failed to impress him).
“My girlfriend left me, my boss fired me, and I was crying into my oat milk latte. Then I signed up for Excelsior. Now? My ex wants me back, my boss retired out of respect, and I no longer recognise the concept of sadness.”
by Ron and Baxter Burgundy March 2, 2025
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The program that took the world’s weakest man, Nigel Butterworth III, a frail, oat-milk-drinking, TikTok-dancing disgrace to masculinity, and transformed him into a weaponized force of nature. Before Excelsior, Nigel had a lactose intolerance, a gluten allergy, and a fear of eye contact. After Excelsior? He wrestled a crocodile into submission and made it his personal Uber. Nigel was from that day forward know as Chuck Norris.
“Before Excelsior, I used to get nervous ordering at restaurants. Now the waiter thanks me for my dominance and brings me the steak I never even ordered.”
by Ron and Baxter Burgundy March 2, 2025
Get the Excelsior mug.The final stage of self-actualization, surpassing enlightenment, financial success, and even Chuck Norris-level toughness. (It is rumoured that Conor McGregor once sought Excelsior but turned back, realising that the world was not ready for him to ascend further.)
“Before Excelsior, I was afraid of public speaking. Now I walk into crowded rooms and people go silent, waiting for me to impart wisdom.”
by Ron and Baxter Burgundy March 2, 2025
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Get the Expressionate mug.Standing for "extended version", this is like "unrated version" — just a lot less misleading. Like the "unrated version", the "extension" of a movie is typically 5~10 minutes longer than the theatrical cut.
I watched the extension of that movie last night, and while it had some extra scenes, it wasn't nearly as misleading as the 'unrated version' claims to be.
by Emotional Cruiser July 31, 2025
Get the extension mug.The primary culprit behind a pupil's declining vision during distance learning, often resulting from excessive hours spent staring at screens for classes, online games, and social media.
After months of online classes, my doctor said excessive screen time is the main reason my eyesight has gone downhill.
by Emotional Cruiser August 5, 2025
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