by Bob Prochko September 28, 2005
Get the baptize mug.The task of baptizing someone requires 3 people (atleast 2 of these people need male genitalia). The easiest place to baptize someone is in community showers or even outside if it is raining. Person #1 stretches out his scronum making a small bowl to collect water. Person #2 dick slaps Person #1's scronum splashing the collected water onto Person #3's face who is kneeling, thus baptizing him/her.
Carl: Hey Dave Joe wants to get baptized! I call being person #1!
Dave: Woohoo!
Carl: Look how much water is in my sack!
Dave: Can we wait 20 minutes? Im hard!
Joe: No, I want it now! And it's better if you're hard.
Dave: Alright here goes nothing.
Carl: Im getting hard too now hahaha!
*splash*
Joe: ahhhh! The power of christ compels me!
Dave: Woohoo!
Carl: Look how much water is in my sack!
Dave: Can we wait 20 minutes? Im hard!
Joe: No, I want it now! And it's better if you're hard.
Dave: Alright here goes nothing.
Carl: Im getting hard too now hahaha!
*splash*
Joe: ahhhh! The power of christ compels me!
by Nohomo69 August 8, 2015
Get the Baptized mug.A religious movement with roots in the British Colonies in North America created by evangelists who left the Church of England and founded new congregational religious communities in what is now the Southern United States. Because the ministers were not ordained priests of the Church of England in colonial times, these groups came to believe in the "priesthood of all believers." Also, the reason why they are "bible only" is because when they left the Church of England and its priests and bishops, the only authority they had left came from the Bible. By the way, it is possible to be a baptist without being affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention. The first baptists were not part of that, but churches join it mostly to facilitate missions and support common interests. A baptist church is only the people in it, (even if it's only two people,) their preacher (who can be anyone they pick regardless of education or credentials,) and the Bible.
My 6th great grandfather helped found the oldest church in the State of Tennessee. He was an evangelist from the Anglican Church (Church of England) in Colonial Virginia and told the poor settlers in Tennessee that Jesus loved them and that one day they would see Jesus and their family in heaven so they should keep on working and having babies. Now they're all still living there and in the general area, and many of their churches and the people descended from them identity as Southern Baptist and they might be affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention.
by SirZDefiner November 11, 2017
Get the Southern Baptist mug.Liberal Christian offshoot of the Southern Baptist Convention. CBF's focus is on egalitarian social and political policies along with presenting a hazy view of theology. While most CBF members are not as far to the left as clearly apostate denominational elites such as found in the United Methodist Church, the CBF would be more accurately characterized as part of the mushy middle or moderates.
CBF does not explicitly deny the truth of the Bible, but they emphasize that individual believers can interpret the Bible any way that they choose. This tact on interpreting the Bible can easily provide a liberal Christian with the license to make the Bible into a wax-nose so that one can twist the Bible to justify whatever one wants to read into the text. This loose approach to reading and being instructed in the Bible comes from CBF's so-called "Four Freedoms": (1)Soul Freedom-a direct relationship with God without intermediaries (2)Bible Freedom-each person can interpret the Bible for himself without direction from anyone but God (or who one can easily deceive oneself into believing is God, viz. oneself who wants what he wants and wants it now) (3)Church Freedom-local church autonomy (4)Religious Freedom-as defined by egalitarian leftists at the ACLU. The CBF is affiliated with the Baptist Joint Committee for Religious Liberty, which opposes such benign policies as allowing for Ten Commandment displays.
CBF does not explicitly deny the truth of the Bible, but they emphasize that individual believers can interpret the Bible any way that they choose. This tact on interpreting the Bible can easily provide a liberal Christian with the license to make the Bible into a wax-nose so that one can twist the Bible to justify whatever one wants to read into the text. This loose approach to reading and being instructed in the Bible comes from CBF's so-called "Four Freedoms": (1)Soul Freedom-a direct relationship with God without intermediaries (2)Bible Freedom-each person can interpret the Bible for himself without direction from anyone but God (or who one can easily deceive oneself into believing is God, viz. oneself who wants what he wants and wants it now) (3)Church Freedom-local church autonomy (4)Religious Freedom-as defined by egalitarian leftists at the ACLU. The CBF is affiliated with the Baptist Joint Committee for Religious Liberty, which opposes such benign policies as allowing for Ten Commandment displays.
Cooperative Baptist Fellowship member reflecting on Deuteronomy 24 after his wife has burnt the toast: "I see here right in the Bible that I can divorce my wife if she displeases me. So, I shall divorce her and marry my sexier secretary. After she gets some mileage on her, I shall trade her in, too. I am so glad that I read the Bible and follow God's Word."
by Tex in Tex August 23, 2008
Get the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship mug.1- Concentration camp
2- Home to LARO
3- Where fake people run the school and real people are as rare as finding a unicorn
4- Not following one simple rule will get you a detention
5- Annoying reminders of the rules every single morning
6- Principals with terrible sense of humor
7- Conceited kids with too much money and who's job is to start as much drama as possible
8- Kids hate each other, teachers hate kids, lose- lose situation
9- Fundraisers and sports= extra thousands of dollars
10- Good education, good sports, bad math department, bad decision
2- Home to LARO
3- Where fake people run the school and real people are as rare as finding a unicorn
4- Not following one simple rule will get you a detention
5- Annoying reminders of the rules every single morning
6- Principals with terrible sense of humor
7- Conceited kids with too much money and who's job is to start as much drama as possible
8- Kids hate each other, teachers hate kids, lose- lose situation
9- Fundraisers and sports= extra thousands of dollars
10- Good education, good sports, bad math department, bad decision
1- Hitler once ran St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School
2- Underpaid LARO employees are tortured by St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School
3- Good luck making true friends with all the fake people here at St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School
4- I got detention for my freakin socks. Only at St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School
5- Ms. Walsh yes we know we're St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School students 24/7
6- Mr Laces' jokes= smh everytime
7- Facebook and Tumblr get assaulted by St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School students and their verbal warfare
8- I sit next to my worst enemy and the teacher is insulting me for asking a question. Only at St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School
9- The candy drive, big box raffle and all sports will cost you around $2000 more dollars. Surprised? Well then you obviously don't go to St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School
10- I'm glad i went to St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School even if I never learned anything in math
2- Underpaid LARO employees are tortured by St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School
3- Good luck making true friends with all the fake people here at St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School
4- I got detention for my freakin socks. Only at St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School
5- Ms. Walsh yes we know we're St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School students 24/7
6- Mr Laces' jokes= smh everytime
7- Facebook and Tumblr get assaulted by St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School students and their verbal warfare
8- I sit next to my worst enemy and the teacher is insulting me for asking a question. Only at St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School
9- The candy drive, big box raffle and all sports will cost you around $2000 more dollars. Surprised? Well then you obviously don't go to St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School
10- I'm glad i went to St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School even if I never learned anything in math
by cougars10 October 7, 2011
Get the St. John the Baptist Diocesan High School mug.by Shimrah July 27, 2003
Get the bastich mug.A religious wiseman/bum who lives in Sunland-Tujunga. John is a fountain of information who is willing to share his knowledge and give advice to open minds all over the world. John can be found in or around Sunland Park enjoying the atmosphere, or even sneaking in a little snooze. Not only wise about religion, John is a great advisor in all aspects of life. Baptist John will be remembered as one of the most influential, and at times eccentric, thinkers of the 21st century.
by Mr. Nolley Johnson June 13, 2008
Get the Baptist John mug.