Dutch Lobster

The Dutch Lobster is not a sexual act, it's a Lobster from Holland. However, it sounds like a sexual act, at least to British and American ears.

The joke is asking someone if they know what a 'Dutch Lobster' is, and laughing as they explain the most lurid sexual act they can think of.

The term was coined by Simon Travaglia as part of his satirical column 'BOFH' on The Register website in 23rd September 2005

"What the hell's a Dutch lobster?" the Boss asks.
"You've not travelled, have you?" the friend sighs, shaking his head.

by SoxxDay July 31, 2015

Ketchup on a Lobster

When working as a professional in your field, you are usually faced with input from colleagues that have different and often over-bearing opinions. Sometimes they beat down your expertise to where there is no choice but to let them have it their way. It is a modern day "Pearls before Swine" when you give in, but it beats getting high blood pressure. Let it go.

Some people are hell-bent on putting their "taint" on your project even though they don't have your skills.

"The producer kept beating me down until I made the CD cover polka dot. I let him have his ketchup on a lobster"

by Billiest March 8, 2010

lobsters

Phoebe Buffay's theory that lobsters link claws and mate for life.

The person you are supposed to be with the rest of your life.

Phoebe: (in reference to Ross and Rachel) hang in there, it's gonna happen
Ross: Okay, now how do you know that?
Phoebe: Because she's your lobster.. come on your guys, it's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. ... you can actually see old lobster couples walking around their tank holding claws

by ohitssunny February 28, 2010

lobster harmonica

A harmonica in the shape of a lobster, NOT a harmonica played by lobsters.

"I'm not leavin till I get that lobster harmonica! C'mere, lobsty." - Otto, on the Simpsons episode Pin Pals

by Astroturd July 31, 2010

Lobstering

When you jerk someone off with and oven mitt.

Susan likes lobstering Seth in between taking muffins out of the oven.

by Jamsiey December 31, 2019

Lobsang

A very nice person but is very hard to understand sometimes.

I love you Lobsang

by Zezebe May 16, 2020

stretched lobes

Stretched Lobes are ear lobes stretched beyond the "normal" size of 18g. The incorrect term for the stretching process is "Gauging"; the jewelry are certain Gauges (For example, 2g is 1/4".) The origins of this process go back to tribes in Africa, Asia, and even some in early America.

Frequently asked questions about this are:
“Does it hurt?”
It really shouldn’t. If you stretch slowly and only one size at a time (waiting till it is healed) it shouldn’t be more than a slight discomfort for a few seconds.

“How big will I stretch before it won’t go back to normal?”
On average, 2g

“What comes after 00/000?”
Refer to the chart:
-----------------------------
Gauge Inches Millimeters
16ga 1.3mm
14ga 1.6mm
12ga 2.0mm
10ga 2.5mm
8ga 3.2mm
6ga 4.1mm
4ga 5.1mm
2ga 1/4" 6.3mm
0ga 5/16" 7.9mm
00ga 3/8" 9.5mm
000ga 7/16" 11.1mm
1/2" 12.7mm
9/16" 14.2mm
5/8" 15.8mm
11/16" 17.4mm
3/4" 19.0mm
13/16" 20.6mm
7/8" 22.2mm
15/16" 23.8mm
1" 25.4mm

“How big can I go?”
Depends on the size of your lobes, how thick, and how well you stretch. There are people currently here in America with lobes over 3 inches.

“Why do it?”
Personal choice, everyone’s different.

For more information on “Stretching Lobes” you can refer to www.BMEzine.com.

For examples of Stretched lobes check out the picture section

by Holly Noel April 14, 2006