Benjamin Evelyn Waters:
Born: (sometime in the 1800s per his demeanor)
Died: September 27th, 2035
Born in the quaint town of Heidelberg MS Benjamin Evelyn Waters was the proud adopted and abducted son to a
family of beavers. Strange as it may sound, Benjamin surely enjoyed his grueling
education in his younger years as he learned to stop up the city’s
water supply with twigs and dead
cats as he used his bodily functions as jet propulsion through the various streams and sewers. He became well known for his skills in
sticky things and outlandish sentences, so much so that a community near his town was promptly named in
honor of his frequent visits to its meadows where he delivered copious amounts of Benjamin Evelyn Waters seedlings to fellow
female beavers.
Benjamin Evelyn Waters pursued his aspirations to leave his primitive ways, and become a great man. Sadly, this did not happen. He did however become a very accomplished literary writer. He is best known for his auto-biography: “The Transgressing
Life of a Silent But Deadly Man,” and his renowned poem, “Oh My Weary Soul, Why Hast Thou Fucked Me?”
Not much is known about Benjamin Evelyn Waters middle-age years, as no one cared to record his
life events. This, as he would later go on to comment, “ was not anyone’s fucking business anyway.“
Benjamin Evelyn Waters died on Sept 27th, 2035 after farting so violently that his
heart burst asunder.
He is survived by his concubine, Desiree, and his son Theodore Relevance Waters
