Jesus, he is an amazing man that this earth has ever known. He was the person who created all of us and is My Lord and Savior. In the New Testament, it talks a lot about him and what he was doing. The things he was doing were healing lepers, healing blind people, and casting out demons! If you don't believe me, then look at Matthew 7-8 and you will see for yourselves. The books he's in are Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John aka. The gospels. There are people out in the world who say that Jesus isn't real and he made this earth to be cruel. The truth is though, he didn't. He made this earth to be beautiful, peaceful, and happy. And once he saw how great this earth was he made the first two people that was recorded in the Bible, Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve were told by Jesus not to eat from the tree of "Knowledge of Good and Evil" but the serpent (aka. The devil) tempted Eve and told her it was alright to eat from that tree. Of course Eve did eat from the tree and she told Adam the same, and together they sinned against Jesus. That is why the world became cruel. After they both did that the Devil took control of the earth and made it into a bad place. But once Jesus comes back, this earth will be no more and all who believed will go to Heaven and spend time with the great Lord Jesus, Amen.
"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” - Psalms 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” - Psalms 46:10
by TimmyTastic March 24, 2024
Yes, it's multiple parts this one...
*The wilderness*
Lucifer "Oh what in the fuck is it now!?"
Jesus "Hey man! Long time no see! What's it been? 30 years? I'm a guy now."
Lucifer "This is what you've been doing!? You can't be a guy!"
Jesus "I am. I'm Jesus Christ now."
*The wilderness*
Lucifer "Oh what in the fuck is it now!?"
Jesus "Hey man! Long time no see! What's it been? 30 years? I'm a guy now."
Lucifer "This is what you've been doing!? You can't be a guy!"
Jesus "I am. I'm Jesus Christ now."
Lucifer "JESUS CHRIST!"
Jesus "Yep."
Lucifer "Jesus Christ! This is ridiculous. You can't be a guy. Change back! Change back immediately!"
Jesus "Oho can't I? Are you my dad now? Ok father. I won't be a guy *Father*."
Father "I don't need to be your father to- Wait... *Father* YOU SON OF A BITCH! What are you going to do!? What are THEY going to do!? They are going to fuck your shit up!"
Jesus "Oh I know."
Father 😨
Jesus 🤨
Father "What the fuck is happening right now..."
Jesus "Uuuuummmm I'm a guy now. I did some cool stuff. They're going to kill me. And.. then... I'm... Gonna... I donno... I'll just come back or something. Or not. Or come back for a bit and then go back and then come back later. It's gonna be tight!"
Father "Jesus Christ... That is fucking stupid man. Absolutely dumb. Why would you come here just to let em kill you?"
Jesus "Save me then idiot! Heheheh!"
Lucifer "No. No, I'm not going to save you from- What is there to even save you from?"
Jesus "Exactly. Hey, we're having a party man you should come out! We got... Um... Bread. We're gonna split a bottle of wine between... Well, between the 14 of us I guess. It's gonna be dope."
Father "TSK! Getthefuckouttaherewiththat! No! NO! I'm not going to 'party' and I'm not going to be a part of any of this."
Jesus "Your loss man parties are fun."
Father 😨
Jesus "Alright man I'll see you later." 😌🖐
Father 😨
Jesus "Yep."
Lucifer "Jesus Christ! This is ridiculous. You can't be a guy. Change back! Change back immediately!"
Jesus "Oho can't I? Are you my dad now? Ok father. I won't be a guy *Father*."
Father "I don't need to be your father to- Wait... *Father* YOU SON OF A BITCH! What are you going to do!? What are THEY going to do!? They are going to fuck your shit up!"
Jesus "Oh I know."
Father 😨
Jesus 🤨
Father "What the fuck is happening right now..."
Jesus "Uuuuummmm I'm a guy now. I did some cool stuff. They're going to kill me. And.. then... I'm... Gonna... I donno... I'll just come back or something. Or not. Or come back for a bit and then go back and then come back later. It's gonna be tight!"
Father "Jesus Christ... That is fucking stupid man. Absolutely dumb. Why would you come here just to let em kill you?"
Jesus "Save me then idiot! Heheheh!"
Lucifer "No. No, I'm not going to save you from- What is there to even save you from?"
Jesus "Exactly. Hey, we're having a party man you should come out! We got... Um... Bread. We're gonna split a bottle of wine between... Well, between the 14 of us I guess. It's gonna be dope."
Father "TSK! Getthefuckouttaherewiththat! No! NO! I'm not going to 'party' and I'm not going to be a part of any of this."
Jesus "Your loss man parties are fun."
Father 😨
Jesus "Alright man I'll see you later." 😌🖐
Father 😨
by Hym Iam August 09, 2023
Hym “JESUS CHRIST! ‘Jews can work for me as long as I can spy on them and put cameras in their house and follow everything they do’!? He went full Dr. JeepJorp! That’s what the living god Dr. Jordan PeeperJorp thinks! WOOOOOW! Wow! That’s crazy man! And ‘if you don’t believe in Jesus you shouldn’t have any power.’ Holy shit, we are in full Christian theocracy mode. Ha! Hilarious! That is wild. This is wild.”
by Hym Iam December 07, 2022
Mach Jesus is a way to describe something faster than anything in the universe.
If you cant measure how fast the "object" is going, just say "Mach Jesus".
Mach is something used to measure speed.
If you cant measure how fast the "object" is going, just say "Mach Jesus".
Mach is something used to measure speed.
"News reporter: A missile headed towards a random island going mach jesus has been detected by the navy"
by SidneysHandle404 February 19, 2024
A school that prays a unessecary excessive amount of times a day. You spend so much money on school but it still manages to be broke
John asked his mom “ My school needs $50 from each student” mom then replies “why?” And John quickly says “wth mom it’s going broke”. Mom says “ oop that sounds like Jesus School “
by Urtletheturtle August 04, 2018
Hym "Oh wait.... Aw, I kind of wanted to be the evil one... Oh well! Still the greatest! Better than everyone! The Ole Reverse Jesus Technique!"
by Hym Iam November 23, 2023