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driving jesus

nickname or the act of driving so recklessly that only the Lord Jesus Christ himself can prevent permanent damage and/or death.
bob: « you heard that noise ? »
sue: « no, what was it ? »
bob: « driving jesus got in another accident on the avenue »
by gof August 20, 2024
mugGet the driving jesusmug.

jesus (BUNNINGS)

This is any worker at Bunnings warehouse that knows what the fuck he's doing and is a sickunt for helping you when you try to find out the 3 ials that have 15 different types of tech screws
Jesus (Bunnings) thank you for leading me to the techscrews in ial 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

P2: no worries woka thatil be $5:98
by coop-meme March 25, 2021
mugGet the jesus (BUNNINGS)mug.

Jesus Fresus

John 8:32 - And you shall know the Truth, and the Truth shall make you free.

Jesus died on the cross to set us all free from sin.
Jack: It's been a long night. I guess I better get going.

Jill: Ok... Jesus Fresus

Jack: Jesus Fresus
by metalforJesus February 25, 2010
mugGet the Jesus Fresusmug.

Jesus Christ

Yes, it's multiple parts this one...

*The wilderness*

Lucifer "Oh what in the fuck is it now!?"

Jesus "Hey man! Long time no see! What's it been? 30 years? I'm a guy now."

Lucifer "This is what you've been doing!? You can't be a guy!"

Jesus "I am. I'm Jesus Christ now."
Lucifer "JESUS CHRIST!"

Jesus "Yep."

Lucifer "Jesus Christ! This is ridiculous. You can't be a guy. Change back! Change back immediately!"

Jesus "Oho can't I? Are you my dad now? Ok father. I won't be a guy *Father*."

Father "I don't need to be your father to- Wait... *Father* YOU SON OF A BITCH! What are you going to do!? What are THEY going to do!? They are going to fuck your shit up!"

Jesus "Oh I know."

Father 😨

Jesus 🤨

Father "What the fuck is happening right now..."

Jesus "Uuuuummmm I'm a guy now. I did some cool stuff. They're going to kill me. And.. then... I'm... Gonna... I donno... I'll just come back or something. Or not. Or come back for a bit and then go back and then come back later. It's gonna be tight!"

Father "Jesus Christ... That is fucking stupid man. Absolutely dumb. Why would you come here just to let em kill you?"

Jesus "Save me then idiot! Heheheh!"

Lucifer "No. No, I'm not going to save you from- What is there to even save you from?"

Jesus "Exactly. Hey, we're having a party man you should come out! We got... Um... Bread. We're gonna split a bottle of wine between... Well, between the 14 of us I guess. It's gonna be dope."

Father "TSK! Getthefuckouttaherewiththat! No! NO! I'm not going to 'party' and I'm not going to be a part of any of this."

Jesus "Your loss man parties are fun."

Father 😨

Jesus "Alright man I'll see you later." 😌🖐

Father 😨
by Hym Iam August 9, 2023
mugGet the Jesus Christmug.

Jesus

A religious figure, who falsly claims to be god, instead of Danny De Vito
It appears, that while jesus was making miracles, he was super high on crack. The church is removing every record of him, and replacing it with Danny De Vito
by Sab-E.R November 19, 2018
mugGet the Jesusmug.

Jesus Squee

Any over-enthusiastic literature or preaching by any Christian faction.
Watchtower is both Jesus Squee and Fundie Fanfic.

"Take yer Jesus Squee and ram it, darned Witnesses"
by Kahless the Unforgettable October 16, 2008
mugGet the Jesus Squeemug.

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