jesus

The Jewish religious teacher whose life, death, and resurrection. (thats it)
jessica: I love jesus!
jake: I know right!
by avilover12 November 22, 2021
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Jesus

person 1: hey do you know jesus?
person 2: yea i saw him play A Night Out On Earth last night
by walmartshoppingcart May 22, 2023
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Jesus

Jesus is the kind of guy that would buy a Krispy Kreme, and dip it in ranch dressing just because.
Jesus will be like, "Ayo, gimme sum of that ranch dressing. Imma dip this finger-licking dope ass Krispy Kreme in it, likah boneless wing"
by Mr. Bonewide June 14, 2021
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Jesus

The thing that suffers and dies arbitrarily at the hands of the Schizophrenic horde. You should be this (so I don't have to... I'd rather be a part of the horde. Or the guy that tells them to do it to you)
Hym "What the fuck? No. Jesus Christ! How about instead of trying to imitate everything you see (like the stupid filth monkeys that you are) you just acknowledge that it was not a good thing to do to a guy and don't do that? But hey, don't listen to me. I'm not a doctor."
by Hym Iam July 23, 2022
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Jesus

Yeah they aren't going to be in any order. It'll just be as I think of them. I actually thought of these a while ago but whatever...
Guard "Um, ah shit this is gonna suck- Harod? Um... King Harod?"

Harod "What!?"

Guard "Um... Shit... There's a guy running around saying he's the creature dawg."

Harod "Pft! What!?" *snickers*

Guard "Uh... Yeah... It's pretty bad man."

Harod "Wait, what?" 🤨

Guard "Yeah, no he is walkin on water and shit... Making fish-"

Harod "MAKING FISH! OH! OOOOOOH SHIT"

Guard "Yeah........"

Harod "OOOOOH SHIT! OH! I'M HYPERVENTILATING! OOOOOH! THIS!"

Guard "Yeah..."

Harod "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?"

Guard "I donno man..."

Harod "OOOOH SHIT.... He is going to fuck our shit UP MY GUY!"

Guard "Damn..."

Harod "Yeah! This is not a good thing. What's happening right now? We are fucked! Oh man- Where is it!? What is it even doing!? What do I even call it!?"

Guard "He's- Yeah... He's like a guy man. He's Jesus. He's got a name and everything. He's like a guy now... In the world. Just HERE."

Harod 😨

Guard "Yahp..."

Harod "Get it. Get rid of it. Wait! Bring it here... Bring it here I need to see it."

Guard "How... Am I supposed to..."

Harod "Bwah, shit I don't know... Get a bunch of guys. Grab him. Put him in a sack."

Guard *sigh*

Harod "Yeahyeah I know it's... Look. We gotta get it man. Holy shit this is really bad..."

Guard "Yeah... Alright..."
by Hym Iam August 09, 2023
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Jesus

Jesus, also called Jesus Christ, Jesus of Galilee, or Jesus of Nazareth, (born c. 6–4 bce, Bethlehem—died c. 30 ce, Jerusalem), religious leader revered in Christianity, one of the world's major religions. He is regarded by most Christians as the Incarnation of God
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3 Jesus died on the cross. 4 He put halos around the head of Jesus Christ. 5 They brought the children to Jesus and he blessed them. 6 Almost all Christians believe that Jesus was resurrected from the dead
by Spams June 22, 2021
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Jesus

The One True God and The Son Of God (he is god incarnated in human form so he is god but at the same time the way he was born was by god impregnating mary so he is also the son). He is real, He loves you, He cares about you, He sacraficed himself on the cross for you. All you need to do is believe in him and his sacrafice. I pray you will find your way through christ and know the truth!
"I love Jesus"
"Me too"
"Thank you Jesus for what you did for us!"
"Amen"
by rayfire1234 May 18, 2023
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